Gospel Parenting In A Godless Age

Let's pray. Father, we're thankful again for... It's the grace that empowers us. It's the grace that is everything that we need. We pray now that you administer your grace to us and help us to understand this. There's a real need in our culture, even among Christians, for this.

And so we pray that this would be a fruitful time as we consider what your word has to say. Thank you now in Jesus' name. Amen. How long have there been parents? Well, there have been parents since the beginning. In fact, Adam and Eve are our first parents, and they ended up with a son who committed homicide.

So they don't have such a good track record. Millennia have passed since Adam and Eve have been around, and raising children hasn't improved that much. And so now we're into this stage where let's just get rid of all the accumulated wisdom of the ages past, which hasn't been really that successful, and let's use the scientific method for understanding people and children and parents.

And so we have study after study, report after report, articles, books, everything, crowding the cyber waves in our bookshelves. And guess what? It doesn't seem like things are getting any better when it comes to parenting. In fact, it seems to have gotten worse. So where do we start? Where do we start when we talk about this?

Where do we start when we talk about parenting? Where does this group start? This is the group that's here. This is the group that's interested in this. Where does this group start when it comes to talking about parenting? Well, let me suggest we start at this point.

Jesus. Are you saying, Oh, there's that old hackneyed simplistic answer from Sunday school again. Jesus, we all know that. Oh, please, give us something more profound than that. Well, that's where I think we need to start, and I'll show you why. Turn to John chapter 1.

John chapter 1. All right we going to look at John 1 beginning in verse 14 Here what it says And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen His glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. John bore witness about Him and cried out, This was he of whom I said, he who comes after me ranks before me because he was before me.

And from his fullness we have all received grace upon grace. For the law was given through Moses. Grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. Now you see, with Jesus comes grace and truth. He's the one who brings grace and truth. Someone says, wasn't there any grace and truth in the Old Testament?

And the answer is certainly there was. There was lots of grace and lots of truth. But look at what verse 16 says. Grace upon grace. What John is painting a picture of there is like wave after wave after wave of grace crashing onto the shore. That's different.

That's not like the Old Testament. That's not like anything we've seen. Grace and truth, more and more and more. So with Jesus comes grace and truth unlike anything ever before. Grace to empower us, grace to help us, and truth to guide us. So with Jesus, then, comes the gospel.

And that has to be the center of everything that we do. In this whole series, we're not just going to say, what are the techniques of being a good parent? There's lots of that out there. What's going to make us different? What's going to make us distinctive in our parenting is the fact that the gospel has to address it. That's the issue.

So we start with the gospel. And we see that Jesus, through the gospel, trans... Here we go. Welcome. Should I accept it? All right.

All right All right, let's start again. So with Jesus comes the gospel, and the gospel transforms everything that we do. With Jesus, the gospel transforms every human endeavor. As I was thinking about this over the last few months, what struck me is this. with Jesus comes grace and truth, grace upon grace upon grace, wave after wave of grace comes. With the coming of Jesus, every mundane human endeavor is transformed through the gospel.

Because as we come to the New Testament, what we find is the gospel addresses how we work. The gospel addresses how we relate as husband and wife. The gospel addresses not just what we do in church, but what we do as parents. And so the gospel transforms every human endeavor. When Jesus came, the whole point was to a redeemer who would come redeem us, but who would transform everything that we're involved in.

And that has to include parenting. So as I thought about that, I thought, this is where we have to start because the gospel transforms everything. And that certainly includes us as parents. So that's where we want to begin this afternoon, to get a basic understanding of a gospel-driven, transformed parental ministry. And that's how you have to see it as a ministry.

Now, I'm going to just kind of outline a basic idea of how the gospel transformed parenting. And then in every succeeding week, we want to address certain issues from that gospel perspective and see how that makes a difference in the way that we raise our kids. And again, we've got to be careful that we just don't pick here and there and certain things from the Bible.

The whole gospel for the whole person, for every human endeavor, is what we have to consider. And so it's the gospel that's got to be the center of our parenting. So we want to talk about how the gospel transforms. Well, the first thing the gospel transforms are parents. parents need to be transformed by the gospel. Let's turn to Titus chapter 3. Titus chapter 3.

Someone read for us Titus 3 verses 4 through 7. All right Charlie The rest of you turn there and follow along Titus 3 4 through 7 But when the goodness and loving kindness of our God and Savior appeared He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to His own mercy, by the loss and regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, He poured out on us, richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, through seven yeah all right so here's what the gospel does the gospel arrives and by the holy spirit we are regenerated all right we're made new we are renewed okay so what happens then is it transforms us by giving us new capacities and abilities. When a person has been born again, when he's been regenerated, it doesn't mean that all of a sudden he's perfect.

What it does mean is now he's been delivered from his captivity to sin and to the world and to the flesh and to the devil. Those things are no longer the ruling powers in his life. Now, that doesn't mean we don't struggle against those things. We do. But now we have new capacities to understand and new abilities to obey God and glorify him that we didn't have before.

All right? We've got to get a handle on this. It means then, for example, okay, in 1 Corinthians 2, verse 14, It clearly says to us that the natural man cannot understand the things of God. That doesn't just mean, do you understand that Jesus died for your sins and will you accept that? It means all that God has said, from the creation of the world to how we parent.

So we're given these new capacities, these new abilities now to understand spiritual truth so that that can be a part of everything that we do. So he gives us new hearts. he renews everything. All right. So now as regenerated parents, we have the ability to do what God says and we have the capacity to understand things in a different way than we've ever understood before.

Whenever you read these studies about how to raise your kids, always keep in mind, this is coming from people who are blind in their sin, darkened in their their understanding and don't know the things of God. All right? They don't understand those things. So their research, their interpretation is all going to be skewed. Right? But with the coming of the Holy Spirit now, we have new capacities to learn.

Now, it doesn't mean that we get it all right right away. That's not what I'm saying. But those new capacities give us the ability to understand more and more and more and to grow and change and be transformed. And so with our new heart comes new desires, new capacities to understand the truth of God, and new power to obey that truth. Now, if you're going to be distinctive in your parenting, this is what's got to happen to you.

You've got to be born again. You've got to be regenerated. If you don't, you'll never understand what God has to say. In fact, it'll sound foolish to you. I mean, just look at if someone from the University of Ohio State would come here and sit and do what I'm going to say over the next few weeks, they'd tell you I was crazy. I didn't understand children.

I didn't understand people. I wouldn't understand anything. Why? Because it's foolishness to want the people who don't know God. Okay? All right.

Here's the next thing, though. It transforms them by giving them a new identity. They're now agents of the gospel. Now look at Matthew 28. Anybody know what Matthew 28, 18-20 says? What do we call that passage?

Yeah. Could we also call it the great parenting passage? You say, wait a minute, that's about missionary work, isn't it? That's about us going out and witnessing. No, it's about everything we do as Christians. In fact, I've become convinced that this is one of the texts that tells me what to do as a pastor.

All right? What am I supposed to do as a pastor? Well, let's look at it. What am I supposed to do as a pastor? What are we supposed to do as a church? What are you supposed to do as a parent?

What are you supposed to do in all these areas of life? Well, Matthew 28 tells us. Someone read that passage for us. Amen. These are our marching orders as Christians. We're to make disciples.

What's a disciple? Here's a really simple understanding of disciple. A disciple is someone who translates truth into life, teaching them to obey everything I've commanded. A disciple is someone who translates truth into life. So we as parents who are disciples are supposed to be doing what? Making disciples.

We're to translate truth into life and we're to lead our children in translating that truth into life. We're agents of the gospel. Now how do most parents see their roles? There's all kinds of roles out there. Some parents are facilitators. You know what they do?

Their whole job is to fulfill their children's dreams and ambitions. From the time they're a little bit, do you want this? Do you want that? What do you want? You don't want that? Okay.

Do you want that? Okay. They're facilitators from the day one, right? And I'll tell you, you talk to coaches today, it drives them crazy. You know? Parents are facilitators.

Coach, you've got to make my kid an NBA player. Do what I tell you to do. You're not treating my kid right. Why? Because you're not a facilitator either. That's what we all are.

We're here to facilitate the dreams and the wishes of our children. Some are just plain old survivors. That's their role. They just want to survive until the kids are gone. How many folks do you work with that sound like that? Right?

I loved it when we'd go to the store with our six kids, right? And the cashier would say, are all these yours? And I always wanted to say, no, we left the four oldest ones at home. But I didn't. And we'd say, yes, they are. And they'd go, oh, my, I can hardly stand the two that I have.

That's sad, right? But they have the survivor mentality. It's like some see their role as just I've got to survive. Some see their role as environmentalists. You know what they do? They think the proper environment is going to produce a good child.

So my job is to make sure that they have the right environment so they will flower and bloom and become what they're supposed to be. We'll talk about flowering and blooming lately. That's a dangerous track. Some see themselves as educators You know what Why do we have all the problems in the world today Yeah they don know enough It's a lack of education.

How many times have we heard the argument, we can spend our money on schools now or we can spend them on prisons later? You know, the whole idea undercurrent in our culture is the problem with children is they're just ignorant. They just don't know enough. If they knew more, then they would be good. all right and and then some parents are just clueless they don't have a they don't have a clue what their role is they just try to get through day by day all right so what's our role christ has given us the role of making disciples now i don't know about you but that really helps me to get a grasp on a lot of stuff right it's all about communicating the gospel it's all about making disciples in my home.

By the way, folks, someone said this to me one time. Really struck me. Someone said to me, you will have the most impact on the next generation if you raise six warriors for Christ. You'll have a greater impact on the next generation through your six warriors than you will through all your ministry in a congregation. That struck me. I think there's an element of truth to that that we need to hear.

All right. So if I see that as my identity, if the gospel transforms my identity so I see myself as a servant or an agent of the gospel, that is going to sort out so many things. It's going to help me understand what I need to do and what I need to say and when I do this and that and the other thing. And again, we'll get into more detail about that in a little while. okay it also transforms parental goals and expectations the gospel is going to transform our expectations and our goals what do you expect from your children now here's what i mean by expect listen carefully many people have interesting ideas of what to expect from kids all right our kids will succeed if they have the right environment okay they expect success if we have the right environment.

Joey may have some problems. He may have, you know, he may have punched that kid out but Joey has a good heart right Have you ever heard that He not a bad kid I know he robbed the store and I know he punched somebody out and I know he in prison but at heart he really a good guy Have you heard that I hear that all the time He's really, at heart, he's really a good guy. And so they expect somehow goodness is going to come out, or my Sheila would never have done that if that nasty Arlene hadn't been around.

If you keep Arlene away from her, she'll do just fine. Expect really good behavior if you keep the bad people out of their lives and so forth. or my Jackie would settle down, study, and get good grades if her teacher would only recognize her talent. Right? How many of you teachers have heard that? You know, we expect all these things from kids, but what should we expect?

What should we expect? Let's look at Ephesians 2. Ephesians 2. Let's start in verse 1. Verses 1 through 10. Someone read Ephesians 2, 1 through 10.

Everybody else follow along. Amen. All right. All right. What should we expect from our kids? here's what we ought to expect we ought to expect that they're gonna sin we ought I mean we're starting out this way what what's true of us? Well, we're dead in trespasses and sin.

We follow the course of the world. We're captive to Satan and we're captive to our desires. What's going to change that? Only the grace of God. So we ought to expect our kids to be sinners. I mean, let's just be right out about that.

I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but oftentimes we forget that, right? Why is my son doing that? Well, because he hung out with the deacon's kids. That's what the problem is. No, he was born a sinner and he's going to sin, all right? So they're not going to obey.

At least they're not going to obey in a way that glorifies God. We can always get, and we're going to get into this later, we can always get someone to toe the line, all right? If you're bigger and faster and smarter than your kids, as long as that's true, you can get them to toe the line. We're talking about obeying in a way that pleases God. Obeying joyfully and cheerfully because they want to please God.

They're not going to do that. And guess what? They need to be transformed by the gospel. That's how we need to see our kids. That's what we ought to expect. We ought to expect them to misbehave.

We ought to expect them to do bad things. Okay? We would all, and again, is that going to change the way you deal with your kids? Sure it will. Sure it will. I mean, we used to go into the classrooms or we used to talk to the teachers and say, if my boys or any of my girls give you any problems, you tell me.

Okay? It's not your fault they're acting the way they are. That's the way they are. Okay? How many, I know we've got a number of teachers here. How many teachers often hear the story, my kid wouldn't be that way if you hadn't seated him next to so-and-so?

Or my kid wouldn't be that way if you just give him more of whatever, right? We ought to expect our kids to be this way. Well, what goals then do people have for their children? What goals? And this is important. And we're going to talk about that real soon.

What are the goals that we have for our kids? Many people and by the way even if you can right now say here my goal you can articulate it you already operating with one All of us operate with goals I want my kid to be the best and the brightest. Is that going to dictate how you handle your kids? Yeah, I want my son to have a better life than I had. Oh, that sounds so noble, doesn't it? but that's going to affect the way you handle your kids.

I want my daughter to be independent and able to take care of herself. Well, that may be somewhat worthwhile, but if that's your goal, you're going to do things that probably aren't biblical. What should be our goal for our kids? Same thing, disciples of Jesus. I want them to love Jesus and serve him with joy. Do you think that would make a difference in the way you raise your kids?

Yeah, it's going to make a big difference. It's going to make a big difference. If you're saying, I want my son to have a better life than I had, well, you're going to teach him the tricks of the business, aren't you? But what if it's not about getting more stuff, like the gospel says? What did Jesus say? The abundance of life is not found in possessions.

Well, then that's going to take me in a totally different direction, isn't it? I'm not going to be trying to give him the better life. There's a difference between a dad who wants his son to have a better life and one who wants his son to love and to serve Jesus with all his heart. That's going to have a dramatic, determining influence on how you raise your kids.

Okay? the gospel transforms parental policies. What's going to rule your household? What rules are you going to frame and enforce in your house? We're going to have discipline around here, so you get out the military manual. What's going to be the constitution? that underlies the institutions and the rules of your household You know what again It really simple It the commands of the gospel That got to be the ruling policy That got to be the rules in our household It got to be the commands of the gospel.

That's going to make a world of difference. What happens when my son faces a bully? Does the gospel tell me about that? Someone volunteer. Does the gospel tell me what to do with the bully where love your enemies okay not son don't ever start a fight but if someone starts on with you make sure you finish it oh yeah let's see chapter and verse i know that's found somewhere in the bible all right um what about what about when fights break out in your home is the gospel say anything about that well certainly it says as a dad and a mom what do I need to do?

I need to be a peacemaker. I need to teach my kids about repentance and forgiveness and restoration of relationships. Does the gospel say anything about that? Absolutely it does, right? When my kids get in a fight on Sunday morning, what has to happen? Well, Matthew 5 says, if you come to church and you're at odds with somebody, you've just wasted your worship.

God hasn't accepted it. Why? Because he says, if you've got a gift, lay it on the altar and be reconciled to your brother. Well, man, kids, we've got to deal with this before we ever get in the car and go to church. Right? The gospel is going to address everything that we face in our household.

And as our children look out into the world, are they going to live by what Jesus says? Are they going to live by all these whatever that we come up with. The accumulated wisdom of the ages, right? Which doesn't seem to be working so well. People are still killing one another and nations are still at war. We want to make the commands of the gospel that...

Someone says, well, does that mean you don't make any rules? I mean, the gospel doesn't tell me when to put my kids to bed at night. Okay, we're not saying that you don't make up your own household rules, but you're always asking this question. are my household rules driving them to the Savior or turning them away from him? You've always got to be asking that question right We can teach our kids moralism We can teach them to keep certain rules But is that going to show the bankruptcy of their souls Or are we going to say you know what Jesus says?

He says, you need to love your enemies. But Daddy, I can't love him. I can't love my enemy. You can say what? You're right, you can't. God has to change your heart.

And he does it through Jesus. Okay? We'll get into that. All this is stuff we're going to get into. Finally, the gospel gives you the source of power for parenting. It gives you the power for parenting.

First of all, it gives you the power to be proper parents through the knowledge of Christ. A couple of my favorite verses, I love these, they're found in 2 Peter 1, verses 3 and 4. His divine power is granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness through the knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and grace by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire his divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Christ.

So I will be the kind of parent God wants me to be the more I am transformed by my knowledge of Christ. I need to get to know him. My first responsibility is to know Christ so I can have those things. So in other words, here's what Peter says. He says, the more you know Christ, the channels are open for divine power to change you and to transform you. The more I know Christ, the channels get wide through which the power I need to be transformed come.

All right? You might write in here Colossians 3.18. I'm sorry, not Colossians. 2 Corinthians 3.18 where it talks about being transformed as we see Christ. We are transformed into His image as we view him. So our first responsibility, if we want power to be the kind of parents God wants us to be, we've got to know Christ.

Now I could launch into a whole sermon here about that it's important to be in church. It's important to have fellowship of all. believers. It's important to read the Bible. It's important to study the Bible. All those things are true. If we're going to know Christ and have the power to be transformed and to become what God wants us to be.

But not only that, we're going to see that through the gospel, it is the power that will transform your children. How? Through the gospel ministered in faith. What's going to change your children? What is going to change them? The power of your irrefutable wisdom, right?

Somehow kids don't catch on to how smart you are. You know? They don't get it. I can think of one of my sons who never thought I was really that smart. Okay? How about, are they going to be transformed by the power of your physical strength?

No. You know, that only lasts for a while, like until they're about 16. But if that's what you're relying on, they're not going to be transformed. Are they going to be transformed by the power of your overwhelming intellect? No. No.

What is the power that's going to change them? Let's look at 1 Peter 1, verses 22 and 23. You know, maybe it's this. Maybe your children will be transformed by the power of their undying gratitude to you for all the sacrifices you made as a parent right That will certainly transform them No Someone read 1 Peter 1, 22 and 23. That we be purified in soul by our obedience to the church, that we hear a lovely letter, love one another earnestly from your heart, that you have been born again, not a perishable seed, but imperishable, to live in and abide in the word of God.

All right. Do you see what Peter says here? It's kind of not the main part of the statement, but here's what he says. You've been born again by the imperishable seed of the word of God. So what does that say to me? I'm going to need to minister the gospel to my kids in faith, believing that it's the power of the gospel that will transform them.

Again, does that mean we don't have rules? certainly we have rules you gotta have rules in your household but again the question is do those rules drive them to the gospel or cause them to go away or to ignore the gospel you see i want to minister to my kids in such a way that i'll be ministering the gospel and the gospel has the power within itself to regenerate a person and to transform them to give them new hearts. Now you saying to me so every conversation with my kid I say do you know that Jesus died for your sins No and we get into that too But everything has to be couched in the gospel in some fashion All right? And so we will have powers.

We will have the power to be parents through our knowledge of Christ. And the power to change our children will come through the gospel that's ministered in faith. Do you believe? Here's where we stumble. We don't believe the gospel is powerful enough. So we got to do more of whatever we do to get them to change.

It's the power of the gospel that will change them. That's what we have to see. So we need to be faithful ministers of the gospel, believing that it does have that power. OK, believing that it does have that power. By the way, just I'll just say this in passing right now. That doesn't mean that I'm constantly driving for a decision.

It means I'm going to continually minister the gospel until God gives them a new heart. Until God gives them a new heart. I'm not looking for decisions. I'm looking for a sea change in their whole attitude where they love God and want to serve him. That's what I'm looking for. See?

How does that come about? The gospel comes to people, grabs their heart, and changes it. So that's what I want to do. So as we start this series I convinced that only gospel parents are equipped to do the job And that is because the gospel reveals Jesus who came in grace and truth And it is that grace and truth in the gospel that going to transform all our endeavors as parents Okay?

So here's the basic idea. And we're going to go into this series looking at how, in particular now, how the gospel works in all these different areas so that we can be better equipped to be the kind of parents God wants us to be. All right? Faithful ministers of the gospel. All right. It's getting hot in here, isn't it?

No? Okay. All right. Well, let's pray. And Lord willing, next week we'll start talking about goals. All right?

Let's pray. Father, thank you for your word. Thank you for its sufficiency and the power of the gospel. God, help us now to think of these things in a clear way, in a way that is seen through the lens of the gospel of Jesus. Thank you for our time together now. Help us to even begin to contemplate, to think about even these general principles, these general truths, so that we might be better equipped to serve you.

We thank you in Jesus' name. Amen.