Gospel Agents

God of heaven, thank you again that we can be together. Thank you for your word, which gives us direction in every area of life. We thank you for the gospel, which sets the boundaries for us, gives us the goal, and tells us how to accomplish your will. Help us now as we think about this area for your glory. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.

When the turmoil of the 60s swept our familiar culture away, we heard this refrain. And some of us who are old enough will remember this. Never trust anyone over 30. Never trust anyone over 30. The idea in that statement was that the older generation's authority should not be respected. They had blown it.

They had given us the world that we had. And so they weren't to be trusted. They weren't to be listened to. And therefore, authority was something that you had to do away with. And that anti-authority thinking became part of our thinking in our culture. That whole anti-attitude authority has taken root in our culture.

And that problem didn't just affect our attitude toward those in authority, that is, distrusting anybody who had any authority over us, but it also affected our attitudes toward being in authority. we become we became apologetic for exercising our authority and so parents have become uncomfortable they become apologetic they become feeling almost guilty for occupying a position of authority and they become paralyzed in the exercise of that authority and our children have suffered as a Resolve. How should you face this whole issue of parental authority? Do you have the right to exercise authority over your children?

Why do you have that right? How will your view of authority shape your parenting? That's what we want to look at today. So it's not going to take very long, but we want to establish this fact that parents are indeed in charge and shouldn't apologize for that, shouldn't feel bad about that. Okay? First of all, we know that because God calls you to be in charge.

God calls you to be in charge That means a number of different things That means you have authority to act on God behalf Let look at some of these passages Someone look up for us Who look up Genesis 18 verse 19? Larry. Deuteronomy 6 verses 1 through 7? Greg. And Ephesians 6, 4? Mike.

Okay? So God calls you to be in charge. That means you have the authority to act on God's behalf. Listen to Genesis 18, 19 as God talks to Abraham. For I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the Lord, do righteousness and justice. For the Lord did bring to Abraham what he had spoken.

All right, now God says about Abraham that he's called him so that he will lead his household in the way that God wants him to. And so you have authority then to lead in the way of righteousness. This is just a bare, bare authority to do what you want. Your authority is to lead them in righteousness. God called Abraham to lead his household, and that becomes the pattern throughout all of Scripture.

It's not that it's not that God calls you to be in charge so you can do whatever you want. You, in fact, are on God's errand. This is God's work that you're doing. You're performing a task on God's agenda. You don't write your own job description. You act on God's behalf.

That's what it means to be a parent. It means to act on behalf of God. It's not do this because I say so. It's because you're acting on behalf of God. Deuteronomy 6, verses 1 through 7. the Lord your God as long as you live, by keeping all his duties and commands that I give you, so that you may enjoy his whole life. Hear, O Israel, and be careful to obey, so that it may go well with you, that you may increase greatly in the land of the milk and honey, just as the Lord your God your Father promised you.

Hear, O Israel, the word of our God, the Lord is with you. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and all your strength. These commandments that I give you today be upon your hearts and rest them on your children Talk about them when you sit at home when you walk along the road when you lie down when you get up in obedience.

Okay? It's His intention that one generation follow another in its obedience to Him. And so He's called us to accomplish that. He accomplishes that objective through the agency of parents. Okay, can I say this? Your children are going to be...

You're going to have a greater impact on your children than I ever will. Okay? Parents who think that if they drag their kids to church, everything will be fine. If they send their kids to a Christian school, everything will be fine. All those sorts of things. You've got to understand that God's objective is accomplished through the agency of parents.

Now, I'm not saying that church is unimportant. It is. I think it's real important. I think you can't operate as a parent without church. But, you know, it's not Sunday school and church that's going to teach them complete obedience to the commands of God. So that's God's intention, and he accomplishes that objective through the agency of parents.

Ephesians 6.4. Okay, you have authority to raise them in Christ. This command is not merely to train. It's not merely to get your kids to obey. It says, fathers, don't provoke your children to anger. Rather, bring them up in the admonition and nurture of the Lord.

You're to train them to Christ. It's to function on God's behalf to bring them to Christ, to raise them up in an atmosphere, if you want to call it a system, in which Christ is central, in which Christ is the leader. He's the boss. He's got the commands. and you want to lead them not just to obey him in an outward way but lead them to a heart relationship to him so that they will obey him so you have authority to raise them in Christ so you have authority to act on God behalf God calling you to be in charge also means then that you have delegated authority You have delegated authority.

That means you exercise God's authority, not your own, because God called you to its exercise, because God gave it to you. You don't have authority just because you're parents. You have authority because God said parents exercise authority. So you exercise God's authority, not yours. Because God called you to its exercise. And this is important to see.

You don't exercise authority over your jurisdiction. You exercise authority over God's jurisdiction. He gave you those children. You're to exercise your authority over them as God's representative. you may not try to shape the lives of your children as pleases you but as pleases God okay now remember what we've talked about God's goal for your children bring them up in such a way so that no matter what you do with them to then or for them you're bringing them up to be godly independent disciples who love God serve God and who can handle life by handling God's word That's what you want for them.

It's God's goal that you have to be pursuing, not your goal. Okay? So you undertake all discipline, all instruction, all care, all nurture, all correction, because God has called you to do those things. And listen, that means this. And this is something that's very, very important to get in your mind and to communicate to your children. That means then that you discipline not because your children disobeyed you, but they've rebelled against God.

That's how you need to be thinking. You know, why are there abusive people? Why are there abusive dads? You know why there's abusive dads? Because they're mad that you upset their world. One of the counters against abuse is this.

This is not your call. This is about what God wants, okay? Again, we're right back to this place where you are not the central player. in the drama, not even as a parent with your children. God is still central. You're acting on his behalf. You discipline not because they upset you, not because they upset your rules, but because they've rebelled against God.

That's the issue. Okay, that's the issue. Now, you know what else? This means, I didn't put it on the overhead, but I think you ought to write this down. This means that your authority is not absolute. Because you have delegated authority, you are not God.

Therefore, you don't have absolute authority. Since it's delegated, it is not absolute. That's very, very important to see. If you have that in your mind, then you're not going to be setting up your own empire in your house. Okay? And everybody, when you say jump, everybody says how high.

That's a wrong view of authority. Your authority is not absolute. In fact, I go so far as to say this. Because it's delegated authority and it's not absolute, that the church has something to say to you about what goes on in your house. The church also has something to say to you. Can I give you an example?

I remember several years ago a young couple. He wanted to marry her. They were both solid Christians, both. This guy was a super good, I mean, good, mature Christian. He wanted to marry this girl. But the parents said, no, absolutely not.

You can't marry that guy. Now, there's a strain in Christian thinking today that says, well, the parents say, no, it's done. That's it. It's done. No. You don't have absolute authority.

This is what I said to them. You ought to be able to appeal to your church. you ought to be able to appeal to your church and say this is unjust first corinthians um six remember although it says don't take anyone to court the principle in that is when you have disagreements between you between believers you take it to the church the church acts as a court their members certain select people in the church first corinthians six acts as a court i said you ought to be able to appeal to the church. Why?

Because that authority is not absolute. Okay? Now that's just one illustration, but the point is, you've got to see that you have delegated authority. God has delegated that authority to you, so don't be apologetic about it, but neither can you be overbearing about it. Okay? Do you follow?

Since God gave it to you, don't apologize for it. Exercise that authority, but realize that you're not ultimately the one in charge. God is, and it's his show, and you've got to do it the way he says so. So all of this means then that you are God agents If God has called you to exercise authority then you are God agents You are acting on his behalf Okay You acting on his behalf Now you saying but we make rules in our house that aren't found in the Bible, so what do we do about that?

You know what? If I don't cover that later, write that down so we can answer that question. All right? The short answer is this. If you, I'll give you an example, okay? Some of you may really disagree with me on this one.

But, okay, boys, no piercings, no tattoos. As long as you live in this house, you can't do that. And their response was, well, Dad, is that unbiblical? And I said, no, it's not. It's not unbiblical. The Bible doesn't say you can't get tattoos, and it doesn't say you can't get piercings.

Christians are free to do that if they want. Okay, then why can't we do it? It's because I say so. Because frankly, I think it's stupid and you'll regret it. So as long as you're here, you're not going to do it. Now, if they disobeyed that, are they rebelling against God?

Absolutely. Why? Because the Bible does say children obey your parents, right? Now, once they left, That's their call. Okay? But I was hoping to have long enough so they wouldn't do anything as foolish as that.

I failed to a certain degree, but that's another discussion. Or should I say they failed? Hmm, let's, we won't go there. All right? Now, because God calls you to exercise authority, because it's God who calls you to exercise authority, that's going to shape the way you parent. That's going to determine how you parent that.

You see? See, if it was up to me, it would be shaped a certain way. I would do it my way. But since God calls me to exercise that authority, I have to listen to him then as to how to exercise that. That's going to shape the way I parent. Therefore, that means that your parenting is an act of obedience.

Children are not the only ones called to obedience. Did you know that as parents, you are called to obedience? You engage your sons and daughters because God has called you to do it and you must obey God. So when you don't exercise your authority, you sinned. Because God has told you to exercise that authority Now this comes out this would come out in our family kind of like this And I know all kinds of other families where this is true When it comes to spanking our kids, okay?

None of us like to spank our kids. None of us take perverse delight in that. Most of the time. Alright? We don't delight in spanking our kids. And so there's a tendency that parents kind of don't want to do it because it just seems so mean.

Right? Well, when we would take our kids into the spanking room, which in our house was the bathroom, we would often say something like this, you didn't obey your dad, did you? No. Do you remember what God says your dad has to do if you disobey? And the answer would have been, spank me? Yeah, that's exactly right.

I have to spank you. if I don't spank you then I will be disobeying God and you and I would both be wrong then right you'd be wrong and now I would be wrong and that's not good for you and that's not good for me would it no reluctantly no I mean I'm sure they wanted to say yes but they knew to say no but see the point of that is what am I doing when I'm when I when I discipline my children in that way when I discipline that way and I talk like that what's the message that they're getting now What's the message they're getting? Here's the message they're getting. They're getting the message that dad's not doing this because he's just a big, overgrown, mean ogre.

Dad's doing this because God told him to do it. And he's also somebody who has to be obedient. See, you're also communicating to your children that you don't have absolute authority, that you are obeying God. You see? Now, that's really important because if they grow up in that atmosphere, they're going to obey and respect you, But they're also going to realize dad can be wrong.

Okay? And dad will have to, or mom will also have to face consequences. And so there's this sense in which they begin to understand they're not the only ones under authority, that everything is under authority, even what my parents do to me. So you're not spanking because you're mean. You're not trying to force him into submission because you hate insolence or lying or stealing or whatever. because you, like him, are under authority and God has called you to the task of correction and you correct him because you have to obey God Now this affects the way you respond to your children If you understand that it about obedience to God this affects the way you respond to your children You not going to be harsh.

You're not going to say, you idiot, how many times have I told you not to do that? Or, no, I'm not going to buy that thing. What do you think? Do you think I made out of money? Do you think money grows on trees? Or this one.

This is one that should never cross your lips. I've had it up to here. What have you just said when you say things like that? I've had it up to here. You've just said, you've really gotten me. You haven't said anything about God.

You just said, you know what? What's really important here is what's important to me. And you don't think that's important, but it's important to me. Because it's important to me, and you're not serving me, I'm going to get you. So when we speak harshly to our kids, you know, you're not acting as God's agent. They're not seeing God's agent.

When you say, nah, you idiot, you knucklehead, what did I tell you? You You know, they don't see God then, do they? They see you being upset because you've been inconvenienced or passive. Passive. OK, now, honey, don't do that anymore. How about if we do this?

I remember when Beck and I, before we had kids and we were real experts on children, we would travel to our church where we were when I was going to school with some friends of ours who also went to school seminary. and we were going to the same church and so we'd ride together and they had a little boy named Glenn. And Glenn would be in the car and he'd start acting up. And so they'd go, Oh, honey, honey, look at the buffalo.

Because we were by a buffalo farm. Look at the buffalo out here. Oh, honey, look at this. And they tried to distract him. What does that say? What does that kind of passivity say?

Oh, honey, don't do that. Oh, honey. And we'd try to run around trying to make the kid happy. What are we saying now? I'm not God's agent. I'm nobody's agent.

Guess what? You're the one that's, what's real important to you is what matters. See, you don't communicate that you're God's agent. Neither do you get the Bible out and beat them over the head with verses. That's not being God's agent either. You know what?

People start thinking when you just, when you just get angry, you say, look, here's what the Bible said. What they're, what they get. The message they're getting now is this, Dad's mad at me, and he's just going to use God to get his way. Okay, now we're going to talk about correct ways of discipline, but the point is that you have to act like someone under authority.

You act like someone who also is under authority. That's important. So it means you can't be harsh and overbearing, and it can't mean you're passive. It means you've got to act like one who's been given authority and you act as one who obeys the authority over you. All right. So your parenting is an act of obedience.

It also says that you can have confidence to act when you direct or correct or discipline your act. You're not acting on your behalf. You're acting on God's behalf. You do not have to wonder if it's OK to exercise authority. You don't have to get your child's permission. okay God has given you the duty to perform so you don't need anyone else's endorsement so you know what I don't care what study comes out of what university that tells me whatever I don't need their endorsement I don't need what they have to say I mean a real big one in this area is the University of North Carolina they have come up with some of the most bizarre stuff on child rearing I've ever seen which makes me think the people who did those studies did not have children and don't live in a real world.

Okay. I don't, it doesn't matter to me what the experts say. All right. I don't have to get their endorsement. I don't have to get their permission. I can act with confidence because God has given me the authority to exercise.

He's told me how to do it. The issue, and oftentimes the issue is I'm just ignorant of it and I need to learn it, but I don't need anybody's endorsement. It also means that you have a mandate to act. That is, you have a responsibility. You don't just have the right to exercise authority. You have the responsibility to exercise authority in the way that God intends.

Okay? You know, the policemen, the sheriff's deputies that patrol our streets, they have the responsibility to do that. They don't just have the right, they have the responsibility. They need to do that. Too many parents do not see the appropriateness or the necessity of being in charge. And so you know what they do?

They take the role of an advisor. That what they do They take the role of an advisor Here what happens too often Here your oatmeal honey I don want oatmeal mommy I hate oatmeal It too mushy Well, what do you want, honey? Do you want eggs? Do you want pancakes? What do you want? What is that all about?

What have you just communicated? Here's what you just communicated, that your child is the valid decision maker and you're the one who suggests the options. That's what you've communicated. Alright? Parents are the ones in authority even when it comes to eating breakfast. You know, mom can say, I've prepared oatmeal for your breakfast.

It's good for you and it's what the Lord has provided for you today and that's what you're going to eat. Alright? You're not an advisor. Parents, and I see this a lot, I don't see, in my experience in pastoral ministry, I see less authoritarian parents and more advisory parents. I see a whole lot more of this, probably because of our culture. All right?

And it's, I mean, it's, who is the king of the schools these days? Who are the kings of the schools these days? Children. Right? They determine, oh, kids don't like that. Well, then let's not teach that way.

It's so pervasive in our culture. We are not advisors. We exercise authority. And you know what? If you persist in such an advisory role, do you think you're going to reach the goal that God has for your children of an independent godly disciple who loves God and serves God and handles life by handling God's word? You think you're going to get there?

You're not. You're not going to get there. The advisory scenario is repeated countless times in clothing choices, schedule choices, social choices, free time choices. What do you want, honey? Oh, that won't work in our schedule. Is there something else we can do?

Okay. And guess what happens? By the time he's six or eight or ten, he's his own boss. By the time he's 13, he's out of control. See, you have the mandate to act and to lead and to use your authority for God's purposes. Listen, even, folks, even down to what they eat.

Now, do you all remember the story of the peanut butter I tell? Has everybody heard that story? Oh, come on. Okay here it is My children one time were complaining that they had someone had given us some peanut butter or something and we had to get rid of it There was so much of it And our kids were complaining that they had peanut butter one more time and Becca said to them now kids, do you remember dad's preaching in the book of Numbers, do you remember what he said?

God kills complainers. Okay? Now that might be a little extreme and she was probably at the end of her rope that morning. I don't know all the details. But the point was, this is what God has provided and this is what you're going to eat. So not just food, but but all these other choices.

We're not advisors. We've been called to exercise authority. You know what that means? That means that you have to shepherd your children. That means you have to shepherd your children. See, our culture has reduced parenting to providing care.

Right. Our culture has reduced parenting to just giving them food, clothing, and a place to sleep. And that's all that's involved in being a parent. And sadly, too many parents have accepted this narrow, weak, pathetic definition of parenting. I must provide food, clothes, a bed, and some quality time, and thus I fulfill my parenting role. And they bought into that.

Here's just something that I've observed, okay? As I've been involved in our schools since my kids were little and getting to know the principals and the teachers and stuff, I don't think there's this vast conspiracy out there to undermine the family. Here's what I think is happening. As I've talked to especially some of the principals, here's what's happening.

Parents aren't doing the job. And then you've got a principal who's suddenly faced with a girl that's in trouble. She's never been told anything. And so you know what they're doing? They're going, somebody's got to teach these kids something. You know why?

Because parents aren't doing it. See, parents, we are to be God's agents, and we have to shepherd our children. Now, Greg read for us already, Deuteronomy chapter 6, verses 6 and 7. Okay? Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind.

You shall teach this to your children. When? Do you remember what the verse says? When should you be teaching your children? when you're walking along the way when you're sitting when you're laying down when you're waking all those things so that means then that shepherding is pervasive it happens all the time It happens whenever you with your children When you walking when you talking when you waking when you resting all of it is to help your child understand his life, his God, his world from a biblical perspective.

And that doesn't mean just giving him food, care, and clothing. It means that you're involved in every part of his life, at every moment of the day when you have them, you're shepherding them, you're trying to get them to understand the world from the biblical perspective. That's shepherding. That's what God's called us to do. As agents of God, we have to shepherd the flock.

Okay? So, it's not provision, but shepherding your children to the goal. Moving them along. Being involved. Deeply involved in their lives. That means you're called to humility.

If we exercise authority by God's authority, then we are to be humble. It's sobering to realize that you correct by God's command, standing before your child as God's agent, to show him his sin. You see? Just as an ambassador is conscious of functioning and representing his country, so you've got to see parenting as representing God. So what does that mean?

What happens when you misrepresent God? Then what does it mean? You know what it means? It means you've got to humble yourself and tell your children, I sinned against you. Forgive me. Alright?

Now, guys, especially you dads, we've got to get off the pride trip. Okay? There's no place for pride in parenting. When you sin against your children, no matter how young, no matter how old, you confess it. You say you're wrong. You repent.

You ask their forgiveness. That's what you have to do. It's a humbling thing. But God gives grace to the humble, doesn't he? And do you want your kids to be humble? Then you model it.

So you're called to humility. Okay? You'll find no place for anger in parenting. Okay? Look at James 1, 19 and 20. now don't misunderstand me here I'm not saying it's always wrong to be angry but let me play this out a little bit so you understand what I'm saying James 1.19 know this my beloved brothers let every person be quick to hear slow to speak slow to anger for the anger of men does not produce the righteousness of God The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Okay? So what does that mean? It means that oftentimes you display your anger when you are inconvenienced. Okay? When you're inconvenienced, when your plans have been thrown out of kilter, you get angry rather than being angry because God's name has been dishonored. Normally that's not how our anger works. and here's what some parents think okay listen you think that by scaring your children you will they'll fear you enough to obey now that's how some people operate and let's face it that crosses your mind doesn't it you think that by scaring them they're going to fear you enough that they'll obey.

They'll toe the line. Well, the problem with that view is this. If you scare them into obedience, then discipline becomes manipulation through raw displays of anger. Okay? And you know what your children learn They learn to fear man and not God So when you flying off the handle and you think this is good because that way he learn to obey because he be afraid to disobey what you you not then disciplining them you not shepherding them you're manipulating them all right now is there a place for anger absolutely did jesus get angry let's see yeah he was throwing tables around that's pretty angry so anger in itself is not wrong but always ask yourself why am i angry why am i angry is it because my little kingdom has got upset or because god's name has been dishonored god calls you to correct and discipline because god mandates it so correction is not showing your anger for their offenses.

Okay? Correction's not showing your anger for their offenses. It's reminding them that their sinful behavior offends God. Do you see how that changes the whole equation? All right? Do I discipline?

Do I spank? Do I bring correction? Absolutely. But why? Because this sinful behavior offends a holy God. And if I let it continue, you won't reach the goal that God has for you There a world of difference between that and what typically happens in us And so we bring God censure of sin to them as subjects of his realm He is the king and they must obey him see that what we need to see so you have to exercise authority but you don exercise authority because that the way it always been if you're born to me i get the authority and you don't it's not because you're bigger stronger smarter and faster than your kids you exercise authority because god has called you to that task and your right to be in charge is derived from God's authority.

Therefore, you are God's agents. Therefore, you don't need to be tentative or apologetic about it, nor can you be overbearing with it. You're God's agents to provide God's correction, God's instruction, God's direction. That's the bottom line. You're a God's agent to help your child understand himself himself as a creature in God's world. Keep that in mind.

I'm an agent of God to teach this person, my son, my daughter, how to live in God's world in a way that pleases God and how to understand his world in a way that pleases God. That's what I'm after. And you know what? At the end of the day, it's not about you. It's always about God. It always about God All right Well we pushing the time limit here So if you have questions here what I want you to do If you have questions write them down Write them down.

And if you would, if you don't have to, if you want to, you can sign it. So if I don't understand the question, I can ask you. And I don't have to tell everybody else that. I just want to get as many questions as possible, if there are any, and stick it in my envelope. Okay? if you don't want to sign it you don't have to but if you do if I need clarification I can ask you alright and by the way don't be afraid about oh if I ask him pastor this this is what he'll think of me guess what God's called some of us to be shepherds nothing you can say is going to make us think less of you alright well I think the junior choir needs to get up here And I know the adult choir is going to be chomping at the bits, at least the director, to get up here soon.

So let's pray and we'll be dismissed. All right. Father, thank you for your word, which teaches us. We pray, Father, that our parenting would be gospel driven so that we are about Jesus and about our father doing it through the power of the spirit. Help us now to to not just learn these things, but now to incorporate them into our lives for your glory in Jesus name.

Amen. Thank you.