Gospel Powered Discipline Part 1

your sheets. So Micah's starting that. There'll be some more coming in a minute. So at least we tried. At least we tried. At the last one, Micah.

Okay, Micah, when the rest of them come in, would you finish handing those out? So while we're waiting for that, I'll just tell you a story. I was talking, I heard a story about a young couple in our church yesterday. I won't tell you who they are, but Jeremy was telling me this story yesterday. And he said, we were moving Scott yesterday and Scott Mason, Josh's neighbor.

And we were moving the washer and the dryer. and Jeremy says, you know, the other day I took our washer and dryer and I got them in the basement all by myself. I said, really? Yeah. And Lindsay said to me, you didn't do that. Yes, I did. You did not.

You didn't get those down there by yourself. He said, yes, I did. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. She goes, wow. Why did you do that?

You could have dropped them and ruined them. I've heard similar words to that alright alright who needs sheets who needs some student note sheets I want to talk about discipline today. We need more? Yeah, still need more. Good. All right.

We got them. All right. Let's pray. Thank you, Father, for our time together. Give us insight and wisdom from your word. Give us a determination to obey your word when it comes to this very important part of dealing with our children We want to raise up children in the admonition and discipline of the Lord so help us to that end we pray in Jesus name amen You know what it's like when you're going to spank your child, and some of you, like me, can remember what that was like.

You come up to your son, you've got the paddle in your hand, and he says rather innocently to you, Dad, what's that in your hand, as if that's the first time he's seen it. or you're going to spank your little girl, and she looks at you, and she looks up at you, and the tears just start to, you can see them coming up over to the lids, and then drop over and start running down her cheeks, and you go, oh, man. Oh, do I have to do this? And the answer is yes.

Now, for some of you, it may seem that when we talk about discipline, especially things like spanking, you may be repulsed by that idea. the whole idea of spanking your child just really rubs you the wrong way. If it does, then I would suggest to you that you need to hear the Scriptures because they give us a great deal of instruction concerning discipline, using the rod and the task of parenting. And I would plead with you to hear this out, for you may be surprised at what the Bible actually says.

Too many people operate with a caricature of what they think the Bible says. And one of the first truths you need to hear is that the rod is not the only means of raising your children. Turn to Ephesians 6.4. This verse kind of takes all of, it's like a magnifying glass and takes all of Scripture and brings it down to a real fine point. And from that point, we can go and look at all the different contributions to it.

But Ephesians 6.4, it says, Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger or do not exasperate your children, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Now, note the basic plan God reveals here. Fathers, you're the ones responsible for raising your children. It's not a woman's job. That's your job. You're the man whom God has put in charge.

You're responsible for seeing the job gets done. Don't provoke your children to anger does not mean don't displease your children. Don't do something to say, Dad, you know what the Bible says? It says, don't provoke me to anger, and that's exactly what you're doing right now. That's not what it's talking about. It's talking about don't bring your children up in such a way that they become angry people, either the sullen kind or the kind that explode.

Don bring them up so that what happens to them But notice this It says how do you do that You bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord So the first thing to note is that discipline is not the only means that God gives you for raising your children It has to be connected with teaching, with communication, with with ministering the word of God. This is not an appeal for parents to become strict disciplinarians, but rather that you grab hold of one of the means that God has given you for reaching the goal that your children must reach if they're going to be the kind of people that please God. So although we're just going to talk about discipline for this week and probably next, we're not making a plea for strict disciplinarians.

We're making a plea for consistent people who teach and discipline their children. But yet I can say this. There seems to be a swing of the pendulum now away from corporal punishment, away from the rod, and more towards just jawing our kids to death and just talking to them all the time. And the Bible says, no, it takes two. It takes two rails on the track to reach the goal.

One is discipline. The other was an instruction. You can't just jawbone them to death, but neither can you whip them into shape. Both of them operate together. Tonight or this afternoon, we want to talk about the discipline part of that track. And next week, too, we will talk about this.

If you're going to discipline in a way that is godly, there are certain convictions that you must have. You've got to be convinced of certain things. And so I want to talk about a number of things that you need to be convinced of if you're going to be godly in the way that you discipline. Ephesians 6.4, we've looked at that. Let's look at Proverbs. Someone read Proverbs 19, verse 18.

Who read? Okay, Larry. Proverbs 19, verse 18. and someone else read Proverbs 23, verse 13. Alright, Seth. Okay. Proverbs chapter 19, verse 18.

Chasing them while there is hope, do not set your heart on putting him to death. Alright. Chasing them while there is still hope, right? My version says, do not set your heart on putting him to death Okay What does the NIV say Anybody got the NIV Well I think it has do not be a willing party to his destruction or his death. Is that what it is? Yeah, don't be a willing party to it.

So in other words, discipline, or you're a party to his death. You're setting your heart on his destruction if you don't discipline. Proverbs 23, 13. All right, he's not going to die. And of course he's not talking about abuse here, but we tend to think that this is something that's terribly cruel. We can't do that.

One of the things you have to be convinced of is that God commands you to use the rod. He commands you to do it. You must use it whether or not the latest experts agree with you or not. And most will not today. You've got to use it whether you think it's necessary or not. You've got to use it because God commands it, and you believe that his ways are better than any of those contrived by man in his fallen wisdom.

Look, folks, you know, we have got this thing going on in our culture that says everything is scientific, and if you come up with these studies, then that's the way it goes. And so you'll see all kinds of studies magnified all over the place about spanking produces abusers and spanking does this and so forth. And I have to say in response to that, other than it's pretty poor science, if it's science at all, other than that is to say, I'll take what God has to say above your latest silly study.

God knows more than you do, and I'm going to take God's word for it. God commands you to do it. He doesn't suggest it. He commands it. Ephesians 6, 4, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. That is a command.

And you must obey it. Okay? Here's another thing you have to be convinced of. And I think this is very, very, very important because this is why a lot of parents are failing in discipline. You've got to be convinced that authority is good and appropriate. You know, the problem with a lot of parents today is they don't use the rod because they're rebels against authority.

They think anybody telling anybody what to do is wrong. And that's not right. our culture has an animosity towards authority we live in a culture that shakes its fists at authority and says you don't have the right to tell me anything. And you know what? Especially people of my generation, this is pounded into our heads, so now we've got a whole generation of kids that are just violent, angry kids because we distrust of authority.

Don't trust anybody in authority. We've passed that on. We've not been authoritative. Listen, you know what? God loves authority and hates rebellion. How do I know that?

Someone read 2 Kings 2, verses 23 and 24. 2 Kings 2, verses 23 and 24. Someone, who read that? All right, Levi, read it nice and loud. Whoa! Whoa!

That says something about what God thinks about rebellion, doesn't it? That says something about what God thinks about rebellion. Yeah! This is what God did to some kids who mocked his authority in his prophet, Elisha. That's serious business. Okay?

Look at Romans 13, verses 1 and 2 says, let every person be subject to the governing authorities. Talking about a government for their. Why? Because there is no authority except from God and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore, whoever resists the authorities resist what God has appointed. And those who resist will incur judgment to resist. authority is to resist God.

It to resist God Alright Boy you want to hear another one Everybody turn to Proverbs chapter 30 Proverbs chapter 30 All right? Proverbs chapter 30, verse 17. The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures. You know what he's saying? he's saying when a kid does this, this is what God thinks, that when you tell your child something and he does this number, he does this number, God says you deserve to have those eyes pecked out by the ravens.

Now, that doesn't mean every time a kid does that his eyes are going to get pecked out, but it does say something about God's view of rebellion and authority. It reveals what God thinks about your child's rebellion and self-will. Now, you're saying, man, this is pretty heavy duty stuff. Yeah, it is, isn't it? But this is what God says about people, children who rebel.

OK, so guess what? This is not a small thing. This is not a small thing. If you tolerate your child's rebellion, you mock God's authority and you expose your children to God's judgment. If you love them, you will teach them to submit to authority. Now that just runs across our American psyche.

We hate that. No one can tell me what to do. Right? We just hate that. That's not the case. That's not what God says.

He hates rebellion. Okay? All right. Here's another interesting theological fact. The Trinity itself is inherently authoritative and hierarchical. All right.

The Trinity is the original community of the universe. Before there was a universe, there was God existing in three persons. And that those three persons have a hierarchy. And there's authority. and we were created to glorify the beauty of that transcendent community. Now, I've given you some references there. We won't look them up in John chapter 6, verses 38 and 39.

Jesus says this It is my delight to do the will of the Father I have come not to do my will but to do the will of the Father In John 16 7 it talks about the Holy Spirit is being sent by Jesus That is, the Spirit submits to the Father and the Son. The Son submits to the Father. There is a hierarchy of authority. And even though all the members of the Trinity are equal in value, they relate to one another in an ordered hierarchy and they delight to have it that way.

I read this this last week and this just blew me away. Do you delight in submitting to the authorities God has given you? Whoa. Oh, man. but the son delights to submit to the father and the spirit delights to submit to the son and the father and the son and the spirit submit to authority and the law and they love it because god's authority is inherently good it is virtuous it is beautiful now you say but my boss isn't the loving father of the universe that's true but yet god has clearly said that we need to obey let me quote to you from william harvey or william farley says this one of the lessons of the trinity is that god is is that God loves what we despise.

Namely, God loves and embraces rightful authority submission relationships. Now what's the point I'm trying to make? The point I'm trying to make is simply this. If that's the way it is in the Trinity, then don't be afraid of saying that your children need to obey you. And don't get this, don't feed that natural hatred of authority with this idea that the hero is the one who's always bucking the authority structure.

All right? In some cases, that's the truth. That is true. All right? But we live in a culture that just almost deifies the rebel. And we've imbibed of it deeply.

Let me read to you a story. Again, Farley in his book, Gospel-Powered Parenting. I recently witnessed this exchange. Mom asked her grade school age daughter to help set the table Why should I set the table the daughter answered resentfully I tired of doing your work Set the table yourself None of my friends have to set the table. Why should I be different?

How should you, how should love respond? How should love respond? It would call this mother to discipline her child in love. Why? The eternal and temporal consequences of this rebellion are deeply disturbing. Someday every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.

The day will come when we will, according to Isaiah 66, go out and look on the dead bodies of men who have rebelled against God, for their worms shall not die, their fire shall not be quenched, and they shall be abhorrence to all flesh. It is impossible to believe this, love your children and not discipline them. It's pretty strong, isn't it? But I think he's captured it.

If this is what God says about authority and submission and and he says that those who buck authority are going to be are going to be are going to be these heaps of dead bodies on Judgment Day, then if I'm going to love my kids, then I'm going to be convinced that authority is good and appropriate. And I am going to say you need to obey. You need to obey.

So if you're going to discipline a godly way, you got to be convinced that authority is good and appropriate. You got to be convinced that discipline leads to a life that is good. Discipline leads to a life that is good. Again, what does our culture say? Our culture says the good life comes when you do what you want to do and you don't let anybody tell you what to do.

And of course, we pass it on to our children, first of all, by refusing to discipline them. All right. By refusing to take them to task when they do disobey. And we're fed that in our culture. But what does Ephesians 6, 1 to 3 say? OK, Ephesians 6.

1 through 3. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise. What is that promise? That it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.

Now, what is he saying here? He says, obedience brings... a good life and it brings a long life. And you say, so every kid who doesn't obey his parents is going to die in a car wreck before they're 18. No. But it does mean this. All things being equal, normal way that life goes, if you don't obey your kids, don't expect to live very long.

I mean, if you don't obey your parents. Sorry. Don't obey your parents and don't expect to live long. Okay? And guess what? If you disobey your parents, your life's going to be miserable.

Because the promise in the Old Testament was, you'll live a long life and you'll live a good life. But if you're disobedient, your life will be miserable. How many of you have seen kids whose parents regularly do not insist on obedience and those children aren't in the habit of obedience? You've seen many of those kids? How happy are those kids? They are miserable, aren't they?

They are miserable. Why? Because they're not being taught anything. They don't understand the way life works. They don't get it. You know, the world is not the Tim Pasma happiness machine, or the Larry Haas happiness machine, or the Mike Rhodes happiness machine, or child's name happiness machine.

And they don't get that. Okay? So you've got to understand that the use of the rod is a rescue mission. It's a rescue mission. What do I mean by that? Okay? here's a child in danger here she is, she's in danger she's outside the circle of safety what is that circle of safety? it's the place where you honor and obey your parents this is the land of a long life and a good life this is the land of long living and good living again, everything being equal All right.

So when you discipline your child so that he or she learns to obey, you move her into the circle of safety. You move her into that place of protection. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid of using the rod because you're rescuing them. then the rod helps rescue the child from spiritual death because rebellion left unchallenged in the heart brings death okay we seen that we already saw it Proverbs 19 Look at Proverbs chapter 23 It's the other reference that I have in your notes there.

13. My son... Nope. Do not withhold discipline from a child. If you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from death. you'll save his soul from death.

Now, next week, I hope we can talk about how you can use the discipline to teach the gospel. But at least we know this much. If you grow up and you don't understand there are consequences, you're not going to grow up thinking that God hates sin and you're in big trouble and you need a savior to get out of trouble. You're not going to know that. You're not going to understand that.

It helps bring one to the realization of his need for a savior. Okay, so verse 14, if you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol. You will save his soul from death. If you strike him, he won't die. But if you don't punish him, you're contributing to his spiritual death. Okay, so the use of the rod is a rescue mission in which we move our children from the place of danger and move them into the circle of safety.

Here's another clear thing that you need to be convinced of. You need to be convinced that discipline is an expression of love. You ever heard parents say something like this? You know, I'm trying to find that balance between discipline and love. Discipline is the expression of love. Okay?

Proverbs chapter 13 verse 24 listen whoever spares the rod hates his son but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him he who spares the rod hates his son but the one who's diligent in discipline is really the one who loves him. Alright? You remember what it says in Revelation 3.19? Jesus says, Those whom I love I discipline I rebuke Alright Why don you spank your child You know what I can tell you right now I can tell you right now why I hesitated in spanking my kids, although they think I never hesitated.

There are plenty of times when I hesitated and I had to follow through and I didn't feel like it. You know why? Because I don't like, I don't want to get them upset. There's always these parents, you know what I'm talking about. There's always these thoughts going through your mind. If I spank him, he'll hate me.

If I spank him, you know, he'll just walk away and he won't love me anymore. Or I just don't want to upset him. I hate doing that. And so we do all these other things. Well, the Bible says that when you do that, you really hate your son. Because who are you thinking of?

Who are you thinking of? You. You're the one. You are the one that you're thinking of. discipline is an expression of love because you don't want to be a willing party to the destruction of your child um you know it's an expression of love because the cross is an infinite infinitely proclaims god's passion for justice you see the cross you see god's passion for justice.

And know this, that anyone who doesn't come to the cross is going to experience that passionate justice. And I've got to say, I've got to be serious about disciplining my child if I don't want him to feel the full brunt of the justice of God because I want to lead him to the cross. You know, the stakes are high. The stakes are high. When you withhold that, you're not really loving them.

You're not loving them. And I know what's going through your mind. Some of you are thinking, oh, yeah, well, what about those people who beat their kids? I'm not talking about beating your kid. I'm not talking about that. Larry?

I'm just saying that the deception, put that out of me. Yeah. I think it's deception. And I'm about to hold the principle of mind. You know, if you do this, you'll be like, oh, you went down and you put yourself in the same spot. Why should you ever do this?

Yeah, that's exactly what you're doing. That's a good point. Okay? Now here the other thing that strikes me as I think about that This Discipline is an expression of faith Discipline is an expression of faith God has mandated that you use the rod. And you obey, not because you see how it's going to work. You use it not because, you know, you use it even though you don't see how it works. how many times I've heard parents say this to me many times and we'll talk about this next week a little bit it just doesn't work with my kid oh so God doesn't know what he's talking about then that's what you're saying it doesn't work with my child well I you know there's things that we can look at that may be why it's not effective but so it doesn't work it doesn't seem to work are you going to believe God and stay consistent or not.

Isn't faith taking God at His word? Isn't that what faith is? Yes, it is. And God says, do this. And we say, well, I don't know how it works. Frankly, I don't see how it's going to do any good.

But if you say it, I will do it. You see, this is an expression of faith. God commands it. It's an expression of confidence in God's wisdom and the excellency of his counsel. You see, that's what you need to see. Whenever I would spank my children, a lot of times I didn't know if it was doing a bit of good.

I didn't know. But that's what God said. I've got to believe what God says. So it's an expression of faith. You're taking God at his word. let's look at Proverbs 29 15 Proverbs 29 verse 15 the rod and reproof give wisdom but a child left to himself brings shame or disgrace to his mother you got to be convinced that discipline imparts wisdom now again this is what we just don't seem to get we don't seem to get that we we think it doesn't impart wisdom we think the best argument for our kid if i'll just convince him and he'll get wise guess what the bible clearly says that it's the rod that imparts wisdom and if you're left if they're left to themselves they bring disgrace they bring disgrace to their parents you see children are not morally neutral a child not submitting to parental authority is living a life of folly that is he's living a life for his wants his lusts his cravings his expectations his hopes his fears he's driven by his wants and passions he's not driven by what god says the rod will impart wisdom okay the rod will impart wisdom spanking drives foolishness from the heart and leads the child to the path of wisdom in life and by the way look at proverbs chapter 4 proverbs 4 5 and 6 get wisdom get insight do not forget and do not turn away from the words of my mouth do not forsake her and she will will keep you love her and she will guard you that's that's what we parents need to grasp that if god's wisdom says do this then let's entrust ourselves to his wisdom let's go after that wisdom and that wisdom will guard us all right now let's look at a very important passage it's the it's the pattern of our own heavenly father it's found in hebrews chapter 12 Hebrews 12 we all know this passage but this is the pattern for our discipline verse 4 in your struggle against sin you've not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood and you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons my son do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord nor be weary when reproved by him for the Lord disciplines the one he loves and chastises every son whom he receives.

It is for discipline that you have to endure God is treating you as sons For what son is there whom his father does not discipline If you are left without discipline in which all have participated then you are illegitimate children and not sons Besides this, we've had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time, as it seemed best for them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.

For the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. All right? Here's what we need to understand. You've got to be convinced that discipline should be corrective and not punitive. Now, the difference is this. If you go after your child because you're fed up, you've had enough, You don't like that anymore and you're going to make them pay.

That's being punitive. That is not what God does with us. He does not say, oh, you just worn out my patience. I've had it. I'm going to really get you now. Now, all of us who are parents or have been parents would be lying to you if we didn't say we had those thoughts in our head.

You've made my life miserable. Now I'm going to make your life miserable. It's payback time. That is not godly discipline. It says here that God disciplines us for a purpose. And that purpose is to bring us to holiness.

That purpose is to bring us to righteousness so that we have the taste of peace in in our lives. and so God says I'm going to make life hard for you now so you will know the peace of righteousness I'm going to make life hard not because I'm going to get you I'm going to make life hard because I love you enough to say if I leave you there and don't do anything you won't get here so I'm going to make your life hard I'm going to correct you so that your course is corrected and you end up in the right place that's the difference and that's what we need to understand as parents it's always corrective it is not punitive okay might I suggest and we'll talk about this later it's the punitive attitude that produces abusers it not the rod to the rear end that produces abusers It's the attitude and the philosophy of life behind it that produces the abusers. And we'll talk about that later. But I just want to put that in.

Because when you're punitive, that's what will do damage. But if you're corrective, that's another story altogether. You've got to be convinced that discipline expresses the fear of God. Do I fear God or don't I? The fear of God makes us willing to discipline. It motivates us to persist in discipline.

The fear of God reminds us that failure to discipline has consequences. If you want to see a case study of this, look at 1 Samuel chapter 2. and there you see a man named Eli who refused to discipline his sons and what were the consequences of that? The consequences of that were it cost him the life of his sons it cost him his life and worst of all God said because of your refusal to discipline your sons I'm going to remove the privilege of the priesthood from your family There will never be a priest from your family again.

Now, if he had feared God, that's what he would have done. He would have disciplined his sons. But he was more afraid of his sons than he was of God. That was the problem. What's that? It's part of our reading this week.

There we go. Good. Again, let me talk about this. This is from William Harvey and his book, Gospel Powered Parenting. He tells the story of watching a mother who spanked her toddler because she told her toddler to come to her. And that little girl looked her in the eye and turned around and walked away.

A toddler now. So she went and got her, spanked her, held her until she was done crying, put her down and said, now come to me. And she did. And so this is what he says. he says to her that was impressive what motivated you and here's what the young mother said the fear of God I looked at the cross and saw God's verdict about my child's rebellion to most this sin is a small thing but I know God doesn see it that way My daughter self caused Christ crucifixion You thought about that The fact that that little toddler looked at her mom in the face and rebelled is what cost Jesus his life.

That's how God sees that sin. It goes on. I thought of the price Jesus paid, and then the price my precious daughter would pay if I did not teach her the humility that produces obedience. And so I spanked her. You see, she has the right view. This little girl is not going to listen.

She's got to learn the humility that produces obedience. And we're called to obey the gospel, aren't we? We're called to submit to the gospel. And by the way, again, I mentioned it. The fear of God equips parents to overcome the fear of their children. Okay?

Those who fear God are free to be God pleasers rather than people pleasers and child fearers. Now, some of you children here, you're wondering, my parents are afraid of me? Yes. Yes, they are. They're afraid of disappointing you. They're afraid of you getting mad.

They're afraid of all kinds of things. And by the way, if you have that fear when they're little, boy, it gets really big when they get to be teenagers. And you start saying, I don't want to disappoint them. You know, they'll get really mad and they'll get in their car and drive off. And who knows what will happen then? Okay, look, the fear of God will deliver you from the fear of your children.

All right, very quickly now. When should you exercise discipline? All right. First, exercise discipline whenever the attitude or actions of your child would keep him from achieving God's goal. in other words you may get the idea that what you need to do is get your wooden spoon out and carry it over your shoulder all day long and whacking that kid every time something happens no what it means is you got to ask yourself questions like this do you get all over him because he puts his shoes on the wrong feet do you get all over him because he forgot to put away the wash rag or because he dropped the phone, but then you let him get away?

Then you let him get away with being sullen and doing things with the wrong attitude or throwing a fit? What do you get after him about? This is the thing that really helped me. Okay, do I know what Discipline. Do I need to discipline her right now? Do I need to make an issue of this?

Question. If I don't step in now, will what I see happening lead her to develop bad habits or bad ways of thinking that will keep her from becoming an independent, godly disciple who loves God, serves God, and handles life by handling God's Word? Okay, that's my little thumbnail goal that was always in my head. Is she just being a silly little girl right now?

Or is that the kind of silliness that will lead to trouble, that will keep her from reaching that goal? That's helped me sort out so many things, you know. This is the one I always use when I'm counseling parents. I say, you know, some days I would be at the hospital until 2 o'clock in the morning and then have to be up at 6 o'clock because of something else that was going on.

I'd come home at night. I am really tired. And what happens when you're tired? There's a real temptation to be just a tad bit cranky, right? I walk in the door, and my boys are jumping on each other. And I just want to...

Well, I remember I had to stop and think. Are they doing something right now that would keep them from becoming God-fearers, independent, godly disciples? The answer was no. well then keep your mouth shut. Don't get the paddle out. They're not doing anything that's going to keep them from that goal. Even the two-year-old pulling all the pans out of the cupboard.

They're just exploring. They're not being defiant. They're not being disobedient. They're not doing something that will keep them from reaching that goal. I always ask that question. Always.

Well, most of the time. Sometimes you don't have to think about it very long. but you always ask that question you always say they doing something right now that will keep them from reaching that goal by the way here's one that office happens ok son I told you not to do that I forgot alright next time son I told you not to do that I forgot ok next time son I told you not to do that well I forgot Guess what Now the time to learn to remember Because that kind of forgetting will keep you from reaching that goal Alright So, you're always asking that question. You exercise discipline whenever disobedience occurs.

Don't beg. Don't cajole. Don't bribe. Don't do those sorts of things. You've got to remember what's at stake. He's disobeyed.

He needs to get back in the circle of safety. So don't try to, oh, honey, now don't do that. No, honey, and all that kind of stuff. You need to deal with it. Remember that you train by what you do. Okay?

So if you say, I'm going to count to three, what are they going to learn? Yeah. Or parents that go, strike one. Okay, I'm still at this plate. I've got two more strikes yet. I'm still in the game, right?

You teach by what you do. And so, don't beg, don't cajole. You've got to do this whenever disobedience occurs. Now, I think this is really important. You exercise discipline immediately. Now, we looked at Proverbs 29.15. if you don't use the rod, you bring disgrace to your mother, or they'll bring disgrace to your mother.

When you tell your child to do something and he refuses, don't hesitate. Don't try to convince him of the fairness of your directive or argue with him or try to distract him. Okay? Or you do this number. Okay, I've seen this too. Now don't go out that door.

Don't you go out that door. And the child walks over and puts his hand on the doorknob. Now I'm not fooling around. Don't you do that. Still standing there. Put the hand on the doorknob.

And you've crossed over the line. What are you teaching by not dealing with that now? You know Hey Got a while here I know that when they use my middle name then I quit All right. Now, here's something I think is part of this. We really have to get in our heads. Don't use spanking as a last resort.

This is what some of us Christian parents do. We say, oh, I hear all these things about, oh, spanking is so hard and it's so hard on children. So I'm going to give them a time out. And I'll do this. And I'll do that. And I'll cajole.

And I'll do this. But finally, finally, because we know that the Bible says we ought to spank, it's our last resort. It does not teach that. The Bible says what? The rod imparts wisdom. All right?

The rod imparts wisdom. The Bible does not say spanking is a last resort. Folks, and I think I would hammer this. Because there's too many folks who've been influenced by the culture, and yet I still need to obey God. And so they do this, and they do this, and they do this, and they do this, and they do this. And then the last resort.

Okay? Can I tell you something? You're on your way to a long, hard road if that's what you do. The rod imparts wisdom, and to leave it alone, let the child continue, is going to bring disgrace and shame. Okay. I'm going to close to this afternoon with a confession, and that is this.

After studying this and reworking this and thinking about this and meditating on this, I was thinking, oh man do I have to ever get better as a grandpa and I know my son would say a hearty amen to that ah so I hope I haven't oh I don't want to communicate this as someone who's arrived because I figured out something I figured out that the moorings slip when you get a little bit older and as I thought through a lot of this stuff I thought man in fact I went home and I said Beck you and I have got some recalibrating to do And her first response was, well, it's got to come from the Bible then. I said, all right. Okay.

So listen, I've hit this pretty hard today, and we're going to hit it again in our next time together. But listen, this is something I think we need to get a handle on. We need to become obedient to God and stop letting our culture tell us what to do and to listen to what God has to say and to listen how this serves the gospel better than any other way.

Okay? We'll pick up some more things next week as we continue in this. If you've got any questions, I would say write them down. Write them right down right now because we've gone for almost an hour. All right. And afternoons aren't conducive to long meetings.

So write them down and we'll catch them next week. OK. All right. Let's stand and we'll be dismissed in prayer. Our God and our Father. we have to confess to you that at times this seems very difficult many times it seems difficult and we ask that you would strengthen our faith we must trust you we must trust the one who has explained to us the best means of raising our children in a world that has fallen and broken in a world where things are not what they ought to be and where we aren't what we ought to be.

So we pray that you would help us to think carefully and to think your thoughts after you in this regard. Help us, help the parents here today, help especially the young parents with young children. Lord, give them things to think about and to think in terms of their obedience. help us all Father to be faithful to you in this in Jesus name, Amen