Parenting in Perilous Times: Changes And Charges

direction that your word gives us. We're thankful for the fact that we do not have to be lost and wondering and depending on so many other people to tell us these things. We thank you that you have opened the door for our understanding and to our abilities. So now we pray that you would help us as we consider these things and help us to do it for your glory and for the good of us and our children, our grandchildren.

Help us now as we consider these things. In Jesus' name, amen. Before we start, let me just say something here, and maybe there's not enough here, but let me encourage you members who live close by to invite to your house the members that live far away so that they don't have to travel so far in the afternoon. They don't have to go home and come all the way back.

So let me encourage you that way. Have somebody farther away stay at your house for the afternoon. Have them for dinner, in fact. That would be a good thing. Today we want to talk about changes and charges. All right?

Now one thing I've noticed lately is that Christians are terrified of bringing children into the world. They're not sure they want to bring children into a disintegrating culture that's hostile to our faith. They see all the changes in our culture, the push for LGBTQ rights, the acceptance of transgenderism, the intolerance for anyone who holds biblical views and values, not to mention all the technology, bringing with it a whole new set of temptations, and what appears to be the wholesale destruction of what was once considered good. and especially familiar, you know?

We live in perilous times, but I don't believe that's reason to despair. It's no reason to lose hope. It's no reason to run away in fear. We have the living and active Word of God. Remember what Hebrews 4.12 says, For the Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and the intentions of the heart.

The Bible explains people better than anything else out there The Bible explains the world better than anything out there The Bible explains how we ought to interact with the world and how we ought to be careful and yet not too cautious We have the sufficient Word of God I love what the psalmist says in Psalm 19, the law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul. The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. Some of you are here tonight because you're saying, man, we really need help.

This is something I've never thought of. This is a part of my life that I wasn't prepared for. Listen, the Word of God makes the simple wise, okay? So it's got what you need to be wise in the world in which we live. Of course, 2 Timothy chapter 3, 16 and 17 makes it abundantly clear when it says, all Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, convicting, correcting, and training in righteousness that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

You can be equipped for every good work, including that of parenting. The Bible is more than able to equip you for the job of parenting in a culture that's decaying all around us. Now in our times together over the next several weeks, we will explore what the scriptures say about parenting. If we believe what the Bible says, we'll find all that we need for the job of parenting.

And I want to encourage you in these times, you with the Bible in the hand, the spirit indwelling you in Christ on the throne, you have more than enough to be able to raise kids in this culture, in the society that seems to be turning against everything that we hold dear. Now, by way of personal testimony, let me say that this is not theoretical to me, okay? None of what I want to teach you is theoretical to me.

As probably all of you know, God bless Becca and I with six children. And while floundering around trying to figure this whole thing out, God brought some people into my life who systematically taught me from God's word what it means to raise children. At that time we had three boys. It's all we had, which at that time seemed to me to be more than enough.

Because I was lost. I mean, it was a challenge but the scripture truth that I learned revolutionized literally revolutionized our parenting and changed us giving us hope and freedom when it came to raising our kids now I don want to sell you more than what we going to do here Listening to what God says and trying to be obedient to what God says does not guarantee God honoring children. That's not what I'm saying.

What I am saying, though, is that God's Word is detailed enough and systematic enough to teach us how to raise our children so that we can have freedom in that. We can be faithful to the task of parenting. And that's all that God requires of us, and that is to be faithful. Okay? Now let's look at what God says about raising children. Ephesians chapter 6 verse 4 says, Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord.

Here you find a basic strategy for raising kids. Now, in my view, Ephesians 6.4 is like a magnifying glass. Some of you have heard me say this before. Do you remember when you were a kid, you'd sit outside and you'd take your magnifying glass that you just got, and you'd go out to the bleachers out on the baseball field and take that magnifying glass and burn your initials into the wood, right?

Or you'd find some unsuspecting ant and burn him with the focused intensity of those lights. To me, Ephesians 6.4 takes all of what the Bible says and brings all the rays of that down into this single point. And everything that the Bible says about raising children is focused in this verse. okay so ephesians 6 4 is going to be our basic um it's going to be the the basic um template that we're going to use as we talk about how to raise kids for the glory of god but in all of this we need to remember that this command from god is built on his work in the gospel ephesians 6 4 does not come suddenly out of nowhere in ephesians 6 4 we we already have going on before us everything in chapters one through three.

Everything that God has done for us in his son, the Lord Jesus Christ, in terms of his choosing us, adopting us, forgiving us, redeeming us transferring us from one kingdom into another We talked about in chapter two raising us from spiritual deadness so we can respond to God And the fact that he destroyed all the barriers that would keep us from being unified Chapter 3, the great praise to God that even the angels are looking at what God is doing in his wisdom in the church. All this comes before he talks about the nitty gritty of how we live the Christian life, even when it comes to raising our kids. And so Ephesians 6.4 is not just something out of the blue that says, okay, here's how you raise kids.

It's built on the fact that the gospel has come, and that changes everything. And so what I want to look at tonight is how the gospel changes the task of parenting and the charge that the gospel brings to us in terms of raising children. Okay? So the first thing we want to look at is the fact that the gospel changes the task, the task of parenting. The gospel changes the task of parenting.

How so? Well, first of all, it clarifies the task of parenting through Jesus. It clarifies the task of parenting through Jesus. The Old Testament scriptures have a great deal to say about how to raise our children. We have examples. We have Abraham, for example.

You ever notice when you read the story of Abraham, Abraham had a tendency to lie, right? When he was in a tough spot, he lied to Pharaoh, right? He lied to, oh, escapes me right now, the other king. And you will notice that that seems to be passed down to his children, right? Isaac lies to the king of Gerar like Abraham did. we see that Jacob the schemer he takes it to a whole new level and even Jacob's sons lie alright you see the favoritism that Jacob plays with his children and so we can look at that and say well there's much here about about favoritism and how our sins can be passed on how we can nurture our children in our own sins by our example we can see that we can look at Deuteronomy chapter 6 which is a favorite verse of all of us in terms of raising our children where it says hear oh Israel the Lord your God the Lord is one and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart soul and mind and then he goes on to say teach this to your children imprint this on their heart how do you do that you do That by teaching them, you do that by talking about it, when you're rising, when you're sitting, when you're lying down, when you're walking along the way.

That's a very favorite verse for us. We look at Exodus chapter 20 in the Ten Commandments where children are commanded to honor their parents. We see all of these things. We can go through the whole Old Testament and find a great deal. But all that gains clarity with the coming of Jesus and the good news of the Gospel. Jesus, in his teaching and in his person, fulfills all of the Old Testament.

All of them point us to him, and he shows us what it's supposed to look like. There seems to be greater clarity now as all of these things from the Old Testament find their focal point in Jesus. So, for example, we look at the fifth commandment. Parents, honor your... Children, honor your parents, right? The fifth commandment.

Well, look at Luke chapter 2, verses 51 and 52. You want to see that in action? Watch what happens here. Talking about Jesus. Now, remember the story of Jesus being in the temple, and he's 12 years old, and he's dealing with all the professors of theology there in the temple, and he's holding his own, and he's doing really good, and they're amazed at him.

And his parents know that he's a trustworthy son, and they figure he's in the entourage that's headed back to Nazareth after the pilgrimage to Jerusalem. and they get two days down the road, two or three days down the road, and they say, where's Jesus? He's back there, of course. So they go back and they get him. And at the end of that chapter, here's what we read.

And he, referring to Jesus, went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them, that is his parents. He was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart. And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man. Now, you say, well, what is that saying? You want to see somebody honoring his parents?

This is the only perfect child in the history of the world who is submitting to what? Imperfect, sinful parents. So, children, young people, when you're saying my parents don't understand me, they don't get me, they don't understand me, do you think Jesus' parents got him? No. And yet he is submissive to these very imperfect people. Now look can you imagine being perfect By the way we all think we are already don we You always the hero in your own video And so we hear someone who could honestly say my parents don't understand me.

They don't get it. They didn't get it, right? Later on, they're thinking he's mad. His mother and brothers and sisters are going to haul him off. They didn't get him. And yet, he submitted.

He honored his parents. Jesus fulfills that in a magnificent way. So there's more clarity. Look at John chapter 1, verses 14 through 17. We looked at this in the morning service last week. John chapter 1, verses 14 through 17.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen His glory, glories of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. John bore witness about him and cried out, This was he of whom I said, He who comes after me ranks before me because he was before me. For from his fullness we have all received grace upon grace. For the law was given through Moses, grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.

No one has ever seen God, the only God who is at the Father's side. He has made him known. Jesus comes according to John chapter 1 verses 14 through 27 with grace and truth someone asked but wasn't there grace and truth in the Old Testament and the answer is of course there was there's lots of grace and there's lots of truth and yet with the coming of Jesus grace and truth like wave upon wave upon wave breaks upon the beach and so there's grace to empower our parenting there's truth to guide us in a much greater way than even the Old Testament saints had.

Because Jesus has come with grace upon grace and truth upon truth, this constant wave of these things coming to us in his teaching, in his example, in his commands. We have everything. We have the Old Testament brought completely to fulfillment and we see all there that would help us. Now not only does the gospel change the task of parenting The gospel empowers the task of parenting This is also how it changes us How so Look at Titus chapter 3 verses 4 through 7 The gospel changes the parenting task by empowering by empowering the task of parenting Titus chapter 3 verses 4 through 7.

But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Christ Jesus our Savior, so that being justified by his grace, we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life. Notice, we have the washing of regeneration, The gospel empowers parents, giving them new capacities and abilities. The gospel delivers us from our captivity to sin, to the flesh, to the world, and the devil.

It frees us from the tyranny of those things. And God does that by giving us new hearts in regeneration. He renews everything. and with that new heart comes new desires, new capacities to understand the truth of God, new power to obey that truth. So through the regeneration, Christian parents have more to operate with. They have this power that isn't available to other parents.

That's why we need to be careful when we start reading what the quote-unquote experts say because these usually come from people who are lost in darkness, who are captive to the world, the flesh, and the devil. who are telling us now silly, stupid, crazy things, like if your child is eight years old and says he wants to be a girl and not a boy, he has the ability to let him express himself. Now you and I know that's just absolutely ridiculous. It's so plain as the nose on our faces, and yet in the darkness of sin, the world and its experts out there can't even get the simplest things right. alright so because of the work of the Holy Spirit in Christ we have new abilities new capacities the gospel empowers parents by giving them a new identity okay they have a new identity They are agents of the Gospel What does Matthew 28, 18 through 20 say?

Jesus says to his disciples, okay, I want you to go out and make disciples, baptizing them and teaching them to obey everything that I've commanded you, alright? We are agents of the Gospel. How do most parents see their roles? How do most parents see their role? Many are just facilitators. They see themselves as facilitators, finding ways of satisfying their children's desires.

They're just there to facilitate the success of their children. Others are survivors. I can't tell you the number of times where we would be out shopping with all six children in tow, and the clerk is checking us out, and she leans over and she says, Are all these kids yours? right? And say, well, yes, they are. He says, man, I have trouble with two, right?

It's like I'm just barely hanging on. So some parents see themselves just as survivors. This is so overwhelming. I'm glad I only have two. Don't even talk about it anymore. Some are environmentalists.

They see their job as giving their children the best environment so that their children can bloom. or they see themselves as merely keeping them away from all kinds of evil so nothing bad will happen to them. They just see themselves as environmentalists. Some of them see themselves as educators. We all know why people do bad things. It's because they're ignorant, right?

The reason why people do bad things is they're ignorant. And so parents see themselves as educators, right? We've got to teach them, not necessarily what's right or wrong. We've just got to fill their heads with knowledge and that way, you know, they won't do anything stupid. Okay? Now, from our vantage point, what would we say?

They won't do anything sinful. But the world doesn't have that category, right? It's all about stupidity, not depravity. Others are just plain clueless. They just don't have a clue, right? They're just bouncing from day to day, not knowing what to do with their children.

But Christ has given us as parents the role of disciple makers. Now, I think that we often don't know. oftentimes don't think this way. We think of Jesus' great commission as saying, go out, share the gospel with people, see them wonderfully converted, and then bring them to church and start educating them. Well, you know what? The whole process of discipleship, even conversion, can start with educating them from the cradle.

We start educating them. We start teaching them, not educating them, like I said before, but teaching them the word of God and the gospel that brings them to conversion, and we keep on going in the discipleship process. You become agents of disciple-making. That, to me, was one of the things that really, really, really helped me understand what my role was.

Okay? Because before, I'm bouncing around from just, I'm the enforcer. Do things so I'm not embarrassed. Stop doing that because it's wrong. and there was none of this overarching thing, hey, you're here to make disciples. Don't just tell them what's wrong. Tell them why it's wrong.

Tell them about God and what it means to Him and what the price to be paid is for doing wrong and how there's a ransom for that. All these things come into the whole parenting process. And when we finally understand we're agents of the gospel, it simplifies things. I know I'm here. I know what it means to be a parent. Okay?

Okay? finally the gospel changes the task by empowering or giving parents the power to be proper parents through the knowledge of Christ alright through the knowledge of Christ in 2 Peter chapter 1 verses 3 and 4, Peter writes, His divine power is granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them we may become partakers of the divine nature, fellowshippers with the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desires. Where is the power to change? The power to change comes in my knowledge of Christ.

The more I know Jesus the more power there is to do what Jesus commands And so the gospel changes the task It empowers us by giving us the power to be proper parents through our knowledge of Christ Now, some of you might be saying, wait a minute, a bunch of these verses don't have anything to do with parenting. Peter didn't write these verses to how to be great parents. No, but here's what we have to understand.

And again, this also helped me a great deal. we need to stop thinking about Christian homes, you've all heard me say this I'll say it again, we need to get rid of the idea of Christian homes, get rid of that get it out of our vocabulary get it out of our thinking what is a Christian home, is it just a home you know, if you put a steeple on your house would that mean that everyone would know you have a Christian home we have to stop thinking of Christian homes because then our focus narrows down to a few verses in Ephesians and Colossians and Proverbs okay what we have to start thinking about is christian living in the home now if i start thinking that way that my life as a parent is part of being a disciple of jesus that i follow jesus as a parent the bible will have tons of things to say to me i can drop my finger anywhere in the Bible and it will say something to me as a parent. For example, right? Drop it in the Beatitudes.

Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. Is that everything you're going to say to me as a dad? Yeah. I need to be the kind of a dad who mourns over sin. Whose heart is broken by sin. Whose heart's broken by sin, not just angry at my kids for sinning.

Right? and he goes on blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness does that have anything to say to us as a dad me as a dad, you as a mom absolutely I want to be the kind of person that hungers and thirsts for righteousness is that going to affect the way I relate to my children absolutely so you see you've got to be thinking of Christian living in the home certainly these verses may not be directly aimed at parenting but you've got to see your parenting as living out your Christian life at home with your children. And so therefore, wherever I go in the Bible, it going to say something to me about being a parent If I can get that in my mind I will have a whole resource open to me that I didn know was there Does that make sense to you? I hope so.

Okay? Now, how else does the Gospel change the task of parenting? The Gospel elevates the task of parenting. It elevates it. The gospel appears. This is what's fascinating to me as I read the New Testament.

The gospel appears and it elevates the mundane, normal parts of human existence to another level altogether. It takes all the things that everybody does, that everyone has done throughout the history of mankind, from marriage, parenting, work, all of those things, and the gospel takes the normal mundane things of human existence and elevates it to another level. Alright?

Where do you see that? Well, let's just turn back to... Well, let's go to Colossians. It's a little bit shorter than Ephesians is in terms of where I'm going with this thought. All right, now notice. Chapter 3 of Colossians, verse 1.

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Now he's not saying just concentrate on heavenly things and forget about going to work tomorrow.

That can't be what he means given to what he says later. But what he's saying is your mind ought to be in the place where you have heaven's values in mind. Where your life is hidden with God in Christ. You now have a new identity. And so then what does that mean? Put to death therefore what is earthly in you.

Sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil, desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry, and so forth. Putting away verse 8 anger wrath malice slander obscene talk from your mouth Get rid of lying You putting off the old and putting on the new you done that You put on the new self which is being renewed in knowledge of the Creator All those things are happening, there's this unity. Put on now, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience, bearing with one another, and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other as the Lord has forgiven you. so you also must forgive and above all these put on love which binds everything together in perfect harmony and let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts to which indeed you were called in one body and be thankful let the word of Christ dwell in you richly teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God and whatever you do in word or deed do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus giving thanks to God the Father through him so in the whole area of personal life and relationships everything that people everywhere experience it elevates it to another level okay my relationships now are going to be characterized by what by thankfulness and forgiveness and peace and all these other things we're not going to be known as people who pursue sexual immorality we're going to be pure people we're going to be compassionate people forgiving people tender-hearted people gentle people patient people that's what we're going to be like it takes human existence and elevates it.

Now look what he does. Then he turns to the typical mundane things of life. Being a wife. Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything for this pleases the Lord.

Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. Bond servants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye service as people pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.

You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wronged girl shall be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality. Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a master in heaven. Now what I'm trying to communicate to you is that what the Bible does, what the gospel does, is it takes all these normal mundane things of life and elevates it.

So now, why is this so supposed to submit? Why? Because that's what the Lord wants. This Jesus wants that. And husbands, Instead of being the tyrant in your home, you should be characterized by love, and you should never be harsh with your wife. This is revolutionary.

It doesn't matter what the world is saying out there about how we treat women. It's just so hypocritical. They're still harsh. They're still treating women as if, you know, we've seen that in the last several months, haven't we? The whole hypocritical, crazy, sudden morality that struck the world. are you surprised by the fact that men treat women like that in in that industry doesn't surprise me at all anyway so the it takes your work and elevates it so that you're no longer just trudging off to work right you're no longer just trudging off to work to get a paycheck just to exist no you're doing this for the lord you're serving the lord right and so you're going to do it in a way that's entirely different so the gospel comes and elevates that so our parenting is elevated to another level.

We are not... It's not the normal way of approach any longer. The gospel comes and elevates the common human experience of raising children to another level. So what we study here will not be techniques for successful parenting. In fact, it's not about finding rules or biblical principles for raising kids. Now that may surprise you. say, why are we taking seven weeks then?

Because it's about parenting as a vehicle for exhibiting the glory of God in a dark, dark world. You see, it's about God, not about raising successful children, not about finding biblical principles. It's about how do I live as a follower of Jesus at home with my children so that the God of glory will be seen. So it's not I want to learn these things so I can get a better handle on how to handle my kid when he loses his temper.

Do we need to know that? Certainly. But why? Why? Because the way I handle my child should be noticeably different from my unbelieving neighbor so that the glory of God is seen. You see?

And that's how we have to approach parenting. This is about how disciples of Jesus, those who obey the commands of their Lord and King, live for Him in their families It about the transforming power of Jesus in the crucible of family relationships It about raising our children in such a way that people will stand in awe not of us but of God We're going to raise them in such a way that people look at them and they give the credit to God. You see?

You see the difference? It's about revealing the glory of Jesus in our homes. When I counsel parents, oftentimes I'll stop and I'll say to them, for example, they're there for marriage counseling, and I'll say, you know what our goal here is? Our goal is not that I'm going to side with one of you, because typically when marriage counseling happens, it's about which side are you going to land on.

Okay, he's the problem. No, she's the problem. You figure out which one of us is the problem, and you tell the other one that she's right, you're wrong, right? But it's not about that. And what I want to say to them is, this is about your marriage glorifying God. And this is what I say to them.

You have eyes watching you all the time. When those children of yours get to be 18, 19, 20, are they going to say, my mom and dad serve a great God? see that's what it's about and we want to parent in such a way that our children will stand in awe of God you see that's what we want to think about that's how the gospel elevates parenting so it becomes about God not about us not about surviving my kids not about raising successful kids, but bringing the gospel to bear in such a way. Now, are we going to talk about how to raise kids?

Absolutely. But you've got to understand that the gospel changes that mundane task of parenting that all of humanity is involved in to another level where it's about the glory of God. With all that the gospel does in giving you understanding and power, You don't need to be terrified at the prospect of parenting. Alright, now that's the change, but what about the charge?

The gospel charges the parents. Now what does Ephesians 6 say Notice how it starts What the first word in Ephesians 6 What's the first word? This is not a trick question. What is it? Very good. God charges fathers with the responsibility of raising the children.

Alright? Right? God lays it squarely on dads. In Colossians chapter 3, verse 21, which we read a few minutes ago, it says, Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. Fathers are addressed in Colossians. Ephesians addresses fathers.

God charges fathers with the responsibility of raising their children. You say, well, you know, I only have girls. I don't have any boys. This is going to be hard. I don't know how to relate. That doesn't make any difference.

You're still the one who is charged with raising those girls. You're still the one charged with raising the children. You're the one. That is. Now, guys, we've got to get this in our heads. Now, why do you think God does that?

Why does he address fathers? Well, one reason, I think, is because fathers tend to neglect children. Fathers tend to neglect children. Many have grown up in a culture that says that raising children is a woman's job. Now, that's not so much the case anymore. But in some cases, that is the case.

Too many men think that they've earned the right to come home at the end of a hard day of work, kick up their feet, and not be bothered by anything or anyone. And that is not what God says here. fathers you're the ones responsible for raising children you're the ones that god has called we tend to neglect children isn't it interesting it's fascinating to me to see that jesus and this is this has dawned on me in the last couple years as i've watched children's workers I have a whole new heightened respect for people who work with children, who teach them. They're Sunday school teachers.

They're the leaders of children's ministries. Isn it interesting that Jesus was the kind of man that children were attracted to You notice those passages Children seemed to be attracted to Jesus He was the kind of man that children liked to be around. How many men do you know like that? Men, let's ask ourselves the question. Are we the kind of men that children like to be around?

Or do we just kind of ignore them for the more important things in life? Right? We've got more important things to do. We are the ones charged here, dads. And so we need to keep that in mind. We need to be invested in our children and not just think mom's the one.

And I think fathers are addressed here because it fits with the biblical teaching on male leadership. Now, don't get me wrong. Moms are certainly... Moms, now don't get me wrong here. You know, so some of you may be sitting there thinking, so I guess I'm just useless, huh? It's just dad.

No, no, no, no, no. What does he say in Ephesians 6.1? What does he say? Children obey whom? Your parents. Children obey your parents.

But dad, even though mom is a major part of raising the kids, let's face it, many of our wives are home all day with the kids, we go to work, we come home, they've spent most of the day with them. Chrissy and I were chatting about that just this afternoon. How much like Chrissy, Harvey seems to be. And you kind of should expect that, right? Because mom spends a great deal of time with the kids.

However, fathers, you are still ultimately responsible for the whole thing. Right? You're the one who sets the pace. You're the one who sets the parameters. Okay? I'm trying to remember which summer it was.

It was a watershed moment in our family history. When, having moved out to the country with much more things to do, we seemed to have a tribe of children who were not too interested in being involved in the work required around the ranch. In fact, we talked about that recently. They remember that summer, too. And what I remember and what they remember certainly coincides, and that was when their mother, who was left with all the responsibility out there, finally said, okay, fine, fine.

If you're not going to do the work, then we're just going to move back to town. You can't do it out here. Do you guys remember that conversation? Yeah, they remember that. It was an earth-shattering thing. And so I remember having to come home and say, Honey, okay, we're not going to move back to town.

And you shouldn't threaten them with something that's not going to happen. However, it was at that moment that I realized, This is my responsibility, not hers. I'm the one ultimately responsible here. and so as we sat down and talked it was this okay, I give the assignments I tell them what they need to do it gets passed on through mom, it's from me and if you don't follow through, dad will I was ultimately responsible for what was happening at home even though I wasn't there so dads, even though mom is incredibly inexpressibly important.

We are ultimately responsible for the working of the whole thing. And dads, listen, God charges parents with this here. And one of the things that struck me when our children were little is who signs the report cards? Who goes to the parent-child conferences at school? And I remember back in those days, some of you old time Of course, a lot of those folks are old now.

But I remember saying, guys, we as dads need to be going to the parent-teacher conferences. We're the ones responsible. We're the ones that need to be talking to the teachers. That's just one little example of the fact that dads are charged with this. So dads, listen, this is important to see. You are ultimately responsible.

You need to know what's going on with your children. you need to be invested in their lives you need to know who their friends are you need to know what their grades are you need to know who their teachers are You need to know all that stuff because you the one ultimately charged with dealing with that And too many women are bearing a burden that they don't need to bear. But men, we have to step up. We have to step up.

And here's the other thing that we need to see, and that is God gives parents authority over their children. God gives parents authority over their children. Now I want to take that apart a little bit because this is something that is... This is under attack for many quarters today. That parents are the ones in charge. Okay?

That means... What does that mean for us then? that means you act on behalf of God. Now that should put something. That should lay heavy with us. We act on behalf of God. We are God's agents.

We are charged with this. And so we're not just acting on, we're not acting on our behalf. We're acting on behalf of God. You remember what God said to Abraham in Genesis 18-19? for I have chosen him that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice that the Lord may bring to Abraham what he has promised him okay I've chosen him that he might command his children that he might bring them in the righteousness of God he's the one who's supposed to lead them we're acting on God's behalf right We're his agent.

We are not just these free-floating people. I just happen to be in charge because I got here before you. No, I'm acting on behalf of God. Now, that also means this. Oh, there it is. Sorry.

Sorry. You act on behalf of God. That also means that you have delegated authority. You have delegated authority. You exercise God authority not your authority Because God called you to its exercise because God gave it to you You do not exercise authority over your jurisdiction You dare not try to shape the lives of your children as what pleases you, but what pleases God.

You discipline your children not because they've disobeyed you, but because they've rebelled against God. Now, have they disobeyed you? Well, certainly. But when the buck stops with you, you're acting like your absolute authority. No, you have jurisdiction. Those children belong to God.

He gave them to you. They're His gift to you. You're responsible to raise those children in the way that he says. You have delegated authority. You don't have absolute authority. You do not have absolute authority.

It's delegated. Okay? Let me just go off on a little bit of a rant here. in in Christian culture with many Christians in their reaction to what's going on in the world they have they have reacted rather than understanding the word of God in this way I've met dads who think they have absolute authority over their girls' lives until they get married. Absolute.

You live here. You're going nowhere else. You want to marry that guy? Nope, it's not going to happen. Forget it. Now, don't misunderstand me.

I think dads have a lot to say about that. But you do not have absolute authority. You don't. In fact, not only is it delegated from God, but God has delegated authority elsewhere as well, to the state, to the church, right? As a dad, I'm not only under the authority of God, where else am I under authority? To the church okay So listen we got to be very careful that our reactions against the world don set the agenda but a clear understanding of the Word of God sets the agenda Okay?

Now, you have delegated authority. That means you exercise that authority, not as one with absolute authority, but you exercise that as one who has received it from God. Okay? This means, whoops, going the wrong way, that your discipline is an act of obedience. You engage your sons and daughters because God has called you to do it and you must obey in this area.

You must obey. Parents who do not discipline their children are disobedient to God. now that means that sometimes the dialogue happens when you have to spank your children you didn't obey daddy did you no do you remember what God says daddy must do if you disobey and the child says spank me always with a question mark that's right I have to spank you If I don't, then I would be disobeying God. You and I would both be wrong.

And that wouldn't be good for you or for me, would it? And the reluctant answer should be, no. But you're communicating something by that. You're not spanking because you're mean. You're not trying to force him into submission because you hate insolence and you hate lying and you hate rebellion. you, like him, are under authority and God has called you to the task of correction.

So you correct him because you have to obey God too. Now, often times we don't communicate that to our children. They just see some guy who's mad at them. And they have to see that I am operating under orders here. Okay? and frankly and parents you know what this is like and children this may surprise you we don't you shouldn't enjoy punishing your children or correcting them I didn't I most of the time didn't enjoy it Okay?

But you can't do what you enjoy. If you're under orders, you do what you're supposed to do, whether you enjoy it or not. And too many parents let their feelings get in the way, and they're disobedient to God. They're disobedient. All right? So, you need to communicate that to them, that discipline is an act of obedience.

Okay? That means that you are in charge. You are in charge. It's not so much that you have the right to authority, but you have the responsibility to use that authority in the way that God intends. Too many parents do not see the appropriateness or the necessity of being in charge. Now look, my generation, I grew up in the 60s, okay?

The 60s were a revolutionary time. Those of you who are my age and younger know what I'm talking, or older, know what I'm talking about. It was a revolutionary time. Everything was turned upside down. We are seeing in the whole lesbian, gay, LGBTQ stuff, in transgenderism, we are seeing nothing more than the fruit of what happened in the 60s, which was the overthrow of all that was authoritative.

And those of us who grew up in that time, and now you, some of you kids, kids who are parents now, sorry. I mean, I'm looking at a bunch of parents who were kids when I came here, and most of you were not even born yet, who are parents now. But the point is that we grew up with this anti-authority kind of thinking. And so my generation, by the time we got to be parents, is a little bit scared of authority and scared of exercising it.

And that got passed on to the next generation. So there's a lot of people today who are afraid. They think they don't, they shouldn't be authoritative. They shouldn't have authority. And they do. God's given you that authority.

But too many parents don't see the appropriateness and the necessity of being in charge. So what do they do? They take the role of an advisor. Okay Here what happens too often Here your oatmeal honey I don like oatmeal mom I don like it It mushy I just don like it Well what do you want I can make you eggs or I can make you pancakes. What do you want? No!

You're in charge. You're even in charge of breakfast. Right? What does the child learn from that exchange? I am an equal and valid decision maker in this process, and you are there to suggest the options. You're not in charge.

You're just there to give me what I want. Parents are the ones in authority. I've prepared oatmeal for your breakfast. It's good for you. It's what the Lord has provided, and you're going to eat it. And if you don't like it that much, well, I hope you like lunch. alright now of course don't do that, that's not right either but if you that is being sarcastic like that that's probably not good either you ungrateful wretch eat what I put in front of you listen if you persist in an advisory role even on the little things like that what's going to happen.

What do you think is going to happen? By the time that child is six or eight or ten, he's his own boss. By the time he's 13, he's out of control. You are in charge. And that advisory scenario is repeated countless times in clothing choices, schedule choices, social choices, free time choices. Don't be afraid of being in charge.

God has put you in charge. And if you don't, listen, here's the point. If you don't, you fail to equip them for life. How many of you are working for people who say, oh, you don't want to come in at seven? What's more convenient for you? Is that what it's like for you, Jeremy and Scott and Brian and all you guys?

No, it's not like that at all. You're here when it's time to work or you're done, you're fired. And yet, you raise a kid that way in your advisory role, do you think he's ready for that when he leaves? Right And we wonder why we having so many problems like that Why it hard to find people who will show up for work Okay so God has put you in charge He put you in charge Now listen that also means this You be aware of what your kids are doing.

Right? Can I say something here? Okay, let me just put this in a little bit. On Sundays, do you folks know where your kids are? A lot of times we get to talking with one another and our kids are who knows where. You're in charge.

Right? And they need to know it. Our kids need to know that we're in charge. Because God's put us in charge. You know what else that means? Turn to James chapter 1.

James chapter 1, verses 19 and 20. James 1, 19 and 20. Know this, my beloved brothers, let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Now, let's get something squared away here. Is it wrong to be angry?

The answer is no. Anger is a good emotion that motivates us to do things that we need to do. And someone who says you never discipline your kids in anger has not lived life in the real world. Of course you discipline them when you're angry. You're angry because they've done something wrong. All right, but what James is saying here is our man-centered anger will not achieve the righteousness of God.

Okay, that's what he's talking about here. You display your anger when you've been inconvenienced. It's not about what's happening. It's not about the fact that God's will has been violated. It's not the fact that they've sullied the name of God. It's the fact that they've just made life more complicated for you.

And so you're mad. You're mad because you want peace and quiet when you come home at night and they're being normal kids. You're mad because they just aren't doing what you want done. It's not about God. It's about you. That's what James is talking about.

And too many parents think that by scaring them that the children will fear you enough to obey And thus discipline becomes the time when mom and dad manipulate their children through displays of anger Whether it's raw, explosive anger, or whether it's the quiet, I'm not talking to you or anybody else, so you just know how mad I am. Any of those, you're not going to teach children to fear God. you're going to teach them the fear of man, not the fear of God. God calls you to correct and discipline because God mandates it.

So correction is not showing your anger for their offenses. It's reminding them that their sinful behavior offends God. It brings his censure of sin to them as subjects of his realm. He is the king and they must obey him. Now, does that mean I don't get angry? Of course not.

You've done something wrong. I'm angry. But let's face it, 90% of the time when we're angry, we're not angry because God's purposes have been thwarted. We're angry because our purposes have been thwarted. Our conveniences have been thrown out the window. We are mad because of what you did to me.

Okay? So there isn't room for anger then. This kind of anger if we have the authority given to us from God. So parents, you have God-given authority over your children. Don't be afraid to exercise it. We live in a culture that declares authority as oppressive and harmful.

And that only this some kind of crazy freedom is the only thing that's allowed. God's word, not our culture, has to be the final word when it comes to exercising authority. On the other hand, having said that, you have to exercise that authority for the glory of God, not for the purpose of ruling your kingdom. All right? So, how do you view your parenting task then?

There's no need for fear or terror in the task. God has given us what we need. But with the word of God, the spirit of God, and Christ on the throne, you can parent faithfully. You've got to remember, though, that the gospel changes the task, but the gospel also charges us as parents. All right, now, I've probably gone too long. Nevertheless, I want to keep this open for questions.

Every night I want to be able to have some time for questions. So fire away. What kind of questions have come up from what we've said tonight? Any? Well, okay. Then let me suggest this. if perchance you give any thought to what is said tonight and questions do come up, write them down.

Write them down, give them to me, stick them in my envelope, whatever. I want to be able to interact with you and ask questions. That doesn't mean that I've got all the answers by any means. But at least it ought to drive us to the Word of God and help us see some things from there. Okay, so. Yes Dan Yes Yes.

Yeah, divorced parents. Yeah. Yeah. with divorced parents or when you're parenting alone that's always hard parenting alone is a very very hard thing probably we ought to talk about that sometime but listen here's what I've seen in terms of split families divorce has happened one the custodial parent tends to have the person the child most of the time and the other parent is the one that lets the kid do whatever he wants right that's hard and that's when you or the one that has primary charge of the children need not to be afraid to do what God called you to do Like, how can I compete with that?

How can I compete with, goes to his dad's house, and his dad lets him do whatever he wants, buys him the games and everything, and says, well, you're not in the competition. You need to be faithful. That's all there is to it. You just remain faithful to what God's called you to do. and what our human wisdom is going to say is, yeah, but if I do that, he'll win them.

Well, you don't know that. You don't know that. You just be faithful to what God has called you to do as a parent. And by the way, you always ought to be able, and listen, we need to understand this as a church as well, you always ought to be able to use the resources of the church to help you. Okay? some single moms need to get the men of the church involved with their kids too you can do that you know So that some things that Dan just got me thinking about Anybody else Okay.

Well, let's pray. And again, if you have questions this week, write them down. Email them to me. Hand them to me. Put them in my envelope. If you put them in my envelope, tell me you put it in my envelope so I remember to look there.

Alright? Let's pray. Father, thank you for your word. Help us now, Lord, to think about parenting faithfully as disciples of Jesus above all else. Help us, we pray, so your name will be honored and glorified. And we thank you in Jesus' name.

Amen. Thank you.