New Age Dads

Well, before we turn to the Word of God, let's pray. Father, we are so thankful that we can be here today. We are thankful that we can worship you. We are thankful that we have a Heavenly Father who calls us His children. We are thankful that all that we have in Christ is a treasure that we can have entirely for us and for your glory. We thank you that you address us in your word, that in your word we find a sufficient guide, one that is detailed enough to tell us how we ought to be and what we ought to do.

And so, Father, today as I challenge the dads here, I pray that they would take it in grace, realizing that even though they may have not lived up to this standard or are seeking to, but struggling, Lord, I pray that they would realize that as they struggle for maturity, that you are there by your spirit with them and that you do not mean this to condemn us, but to help us, to move us, to be conformed to the image of Christ. So as we do this today, we pray that you would challenge us and inform us that we might be what you would have us to be and to do. We thank you in Jesus' name.

Amen. You know, we live in a new age, and that fact ought to affect the way we lead as fathers. You say, well, what do you mean by new age? You mean, does that mean the new age of computers with websites and Instagram and TikTok and all the phone apps has changed the way we ought to lead our families? And to that I would say, no, it doesn't make any significant difference at all.

God expects you husbands and fathers to exercise a new and a radical kind of leadership because something radical happened when Jesus appeared. Something so new, so radical, so dynamic, so decisive occurred when Jesus entered history. he delivered us from the rule of law of the old covenant and instead gave us a new covenant and the rule of the gospel he came as a powerful redeemer who sets us free from the guilt of our sin and from the power of our sin and so that we can live for righteousness and give allegiance to Jesus because of his grace, because he loved us. He gave us the Holy Spirit who creates in us new life and new affections, new wills, new desires.

And now because of such a radical decisive event families must be forever changed and that is especially true when we speak about leadership in the home now because of such a radical decisive event you can't approach leadership guys as if you're reading 10 effective ways or 10 ways to become an effective father that isn't what we're talking about we're not talking about certain steps we're not talking about certain things 10 effective ways 10 ways to become an effective father we must talk about the kind of leadership whose very practice jesus radically redefined we must talk about leadership whose practitioners jesus has radically changed and so we want to be new age dads our heavenly father expects the kind of leadership in our homes that far outshines anything the world has to offer. He wants us to be the kind of fathers that are so unbelievably radically different from our unbelieving friends that they take notice. This morning I want to look at a few areas where I believe that we men can change to become new age dads.

Here's the first. I'm going to give you three today. And I could, guys, you know, we could go on and on about this, but I want to give you three things, three radical ways we need to be. First of all, you need to be radical servants. You need to be radical servants. What defines leadership today?

Not just for men, but for anybody. How does the world define leadership leadership is equated with power that's mighty common today leadership is equated with power people want to be in power if they gonna lead you got to have power right So leadership is often equated with power Leadership is often equated with high profile Everybody has to know I'm the leader for me to lead effectively. Leadership is best gauged by who serves you.

How many people work for you? How many times have we heard someone say, oh yeah my son he has 200 people working under him right that's how we define leadership now men suppose you come home one evening with a friend of yours unannounced you walk in the door and you can see that nothing much has happened around the house it's kind of a mess and and you don't know what happened maybe your wife was in the garden all day and then and then was washing the windows and didn't get around to getting everything else done so you walk in the door with Sam, your friend. You've invited him home for dinner.

Nobody knows you're coming home with him. And as you walk in, you see the children and you say, hey, what's going on here? Let's get busy. Let's get this place picked up. Go. And the kids scurry off.

They get that. They start working hard. Right. They start working real hard and and they want to please you or at least at the very least, they want to avoid any kind of penalty. Right. So they get off busy.

Your wife appears and you say, honey this is sam i invited him home for dinner uh so would you please get things started and she turns around gets in the kitchen you hear the pans rattling around she is busy getting everything ready now what's sam gonna think will he be impressed by the fact that you walked in the house and everyone jumps and man they get to work when you give the word well that's the wrong question to ask. It doesn't matter what Sam thinks. What does Jesus think?

What does Jesus think about that? Turn to Mark chapter 10. That's where we're going to go first today. Mark chapter 10. Let's see how Jesus describes leadership. Mark chapter 10.

We're going to begin in verse 32. Here's Jesus describing leadership. Leadership and greatness. Mark 10.32 And they were on the road going up to Jerusalem, and Jesus was walking ahead of them. And they were amazed, and those who followed were afraid. And taking the twelve again he began to tell them what was to happen to him saying See we are going up to Jerusalem and the Son of Man will be delivered over to the chief priests and scribes and they will condemn him to death and deliver him over to the Gentiles.

And they will mock him and spit on him and flog him and kill him, and after three days he will rise. And James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came up to him and said to him, Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you. And he said, what do you want for me to do for you? And they said to him, grant us to sit one at your right hand and one at your left in your glory.

Jesus said to them, you do not know what you're asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I drink and to be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized? And they said to him, we are able. And Jesus said to them, the cup that I drink, you will drink. And with the baptism with which I am baptized, you will be baptized. but to sit at my right hand or at my left is not mine to grant but it is for those for whom it has been prepared and when the 10 heard it they began to be indignant at james and john and again i always want to make this point they're not indignant because they're thinking they're doing something evil they're indignant because they got the jump on them they wanted the high places in the kingdom him too and these two guys had taken jesus aside and bid on the job ahead of the rest of them that's why they're mad okay so anyway and jesus called them to him and said to them you know that those who are considered rulers of the gentiles lord it over them and their great ones exercise authority over them that is they they are tyrannical over them but it shall not be it shall not be so among you but whoever would be great among you must be your slave and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all for even the son of man came not to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many and they came to jericho and as he was leaving jericho with his disciples in a great crowd bartimaeus a blind beggar the son of timious was sitting by the roadside and when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, Jesus, son of David, have mercy on me.

And many rebuked him, telling him to be silent. But he cried out all the more, son of David, have mercy on me. And Jesus stopped and said, call him. And they called the blind man, saying to him, take heart, get up, he's calling you. And throwing off his cloak, he sprang up and came to Jesus. And Jesus said to him, What do you want me to do for you?

And the blind man said to him, Rabbi, let me recover my sight. And Jesus said to him, go your way, your faith has made you well. And immediately he recovered his sight and followed him on the way. Now, how does Jesus describe leadership here? It begins with Jesus telling his disciples again about his death. He describes his betrayal, condemnation, mocking, death, and resurrection.

They must understand, or at least be prepared to understand, the nature of his messiahship, the nature of his kingdom, what he considers the nature of his kingship. It is one of death and humiliation before ultimate triumph. And yet the disciples don't get it. James and John ask for places of prominence in a kingdom that Jesus has just radically redefined.

Of course those places are prepared for people, but they can't ask for it. And with the protest of the rest of the disciples ringing in his ears, Jesus teaches them again about the nature of greatness in his kingdom. Jesus tells them he must die and serve others by his death notice he's come to give his life as a ransom for many and to serve them right his death is the very model of serving others his death is the model of what it means to serve others and so he's saying to them stop thinking in terms of prominence because the king himself must die a humiliating death and you who are in his kingdom must become slaves that's what he's saying the greatness of the king lies in his death your greatness lies in your slavery in fact the death of jesus is the greatest act of service the world will ever see.

It will be a death that will ransom many, and Jesus will serve his people by ransoming them from their guilt and from their sin And then what does Jesus do You know the story of Bartimaeus is connected directly to what he just said He gives him a real example as he heals blind Bartimaeus Do you notice how Bartimaeus addresses him? Don't miss it. Jesus, son of David, he's calling out to the person that he thinks is king.

Jesus, son of David, heal me. Well, the people seek to silence him because Jesus is a really important person. And yet, the king, the son of David, hears the pleas of a beggar. And what does he do? He serves him by healing him. Jesus' greatness comes not in his position. his greatness comes in serving a beggar see that's the point so now we got to ask ourselves men what about us do we have the right view of leadership do we have the right view of leadership we have the right view of jesus ransom we have a down pat we know jesus came to die for sinners jesus came to free us from our sin but you've got to see it in connection to yourself in terms of leadership death and serving are what makes one a great leader not position or power position or power and achieving power does not mean you're a good leader it's not even the essence of leadership when you yearn for something bigger a bigger reputation climbing the ladder whatever it is then you have to see that like Jesus, humiliation and slavery define great leaders.

Serving is a distinguishing mark of leadership for Jesus. That leadership, though, is impossible apart from the entrance of Jesus on the scene. His death and his spirit are necessary to empower such radical leadership. he had to enter the scene if we would ever ever be able to do this jesus had to come jesus had to die if we would ever be able to exercise this kind of leadership servant leadership a slave leader and so because of that we can be radically different leaders we can be radical servants Here the second thing I want to say to you You need to be radical goal Radical goal-setters.

Turn to the book of Ephesians chapter 5. In Ephesians 5, as he talks about family, the Apostle Paul first addresses wives before he addresses husbands. But in the middle of addressing wives, he says in verse 23, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its savior. OK. Having said that, you're the you're the head.

You're the leader. Now, verses 25 through 27. husbands love your wives as christ loved the church and gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish men what kind of goals do you have for your family what kind of goals do you have for your family? Financial security, a good education, that they be the best athletes, they be the smartest kid.

Maybe you have your goal is the mortgage paid off in five years. Maybe you've thought about a good career for you and your wife, as well as paving the way for your children to have great careers. Are these the sorts of things that occupy your mind? Are these the sorts of goals that you have? Well, Apostle Paul says, look to Jesus and observe the leadership of Jesus here. observe how he leads his goal for his bride is that she be blameless holy without stain or wrinkle or blemish to present to himself a holy bride that's his goal that's what he has for the church and so as the apostle paul gives us as the example that we're to follow you're you ought to have the same goal for your wife and by extension because they also are submissive to you the same goal for your children man have you thought about this is this even on your radar do you see that you have to have the radical goal of leading your wife to holiness the radical goal i have a goal for my children above all else that they will love jesus and serve jesus and they will grow and my wife and my children will be able to give a good account of themselves when they stand on judgment day before jesus is that how you think that has to be your goal you know what there are too many men who do not even mention christ to their wives or try to lead them in this fashion.

It just doesn't occur to them. They expect the pastor to get that done when he preaches or the women's Bible study or something else. Now the question is, how do you do that? How do you do that? How do you lead your wife and your children this way? Well, first of all, focus on needs.

And what I mean by that is the need that Jesus saw. What's the need? The need is purity from sin. He wants to present to himself a holy bride without blemish, stain, or wrinkle. Right? That's his goal for his bride.

He doesn't just see the problem. He sees this is the need. They need to be pure. She needs to be pure. So what you need to do is to look for biblical solutions and the grace of Christ to use them. Guys, don't just talk about the problem with your wife.

Don't just tell her where she's failing. Too many leaders in the home think, I've done my job when I tell everybody what they're doing wrong. No. You've got to tell them what to do about it. Men, let me just say this. If you only rehash all that is wrong, you're not a leader.

You're a complainer. And complainers are hard to live with. You don't just point out the problems and say, here's the problem. now don't do that anymore men you've got to be the kind of guys who lead and say this is the solution we need because it honors christ don't be satisfied with the shallow stuff that the world offers don't be satisfied that son life is unfair it'll disappoint you don't don't ever say that you've just said something about the providence of god when you said that right but that's the kind of solutions we look to.

Son, just get ready. You'll always be disappointed. They're always gonna be disappointed. How does he handle disappointment then? Tell him how to handle the disappointment he's facing. Just give them some shallow bromide that the world offers.

When your wife struggles with relationships, maybe she's struggling with another woman in the church. What do you tell her? Look, just avoid her, right? That's what the world would say. What are you gonna say? Are you gonna help her?

Are you gonna understand what the problem is? You're gonna ask questions? You're gonna say, this is how you need. Here, you go to your friend and you say this. Look, this is what Jesus says, so let's do this, all right? you you know that's what you need to do sadly men don't want to take the risk of leadership and by the way there is a risk in leadership when you step out to give answers when you step out to give answers you got a whole world telling you what right do you have to give answers to people just because you're a man right that's not the culture we live in you don't have that right or this listen you know it's risky to tell your and I know this you may you may not believe this but it's hard to tell teenagers what to do they're starting to think on their own they don't always agree with you they're they're coming becoming independent and you don't want to say something because then they might get mad and you just don't want that to happen you just want everything to be so easy.

Leadership is risky. So what do you need to do? Trust Jesus. Jesus arrived on the scene so you can trust him. You take the risk to apply what he says and trust him with the results. And you can be this kind of leader with these kinds of goals because Jesus has arrived freeing you from the tyranny of fear so that you can do what he says, so you can step out. he's arrived and gives you an example just look at the example we read just previously in mark chapter 10 there's an example how jesus handled conflict he taught he told them what was important right some of you may say but i don't know the bible that well i just don't know the bible that well and i would say to you then take the initiative and do whatever it takes to learn the bible ask a more mature brother in the faith in the congregation hey i'm struggling with this help me get connected with someone who can disciple you read the bible and i don just mean read it uh just for reading it read it and say what is it here to teach me whatever it takes get to know the bible by the way that's a that's a step in leadership isn't it i'm going to take initiative to learn what the bible says now here's the last thing i want to say to you today the third thing you need to set a radical tone in your home.

Fathers, you need to set a radical tone in your home. Turn to Philippians chapter one. Now this isn't directly addressed to fathers, but it gives you an insight into the apostle Paul's view of ministry. And as I look at fathers, fathers, we are shepherds of a tiny, every one of us as dads is a shepherd of a tiny congregation, your family you need to shepherd their hearts you need to shepherd them and give them answers and help them and lead and set goals and all those things and so i see this as applying to us but i find this interesting here's what the apostle paul says in verse 25 of philippians 1 convinced of this i know that i will remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy in the faith so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in christ jesus because of my coming to you again now what does he say here the apostle paul says this is his goal should god let him live you remember he's waiting for his trial to determine whether he lives or dies and he says if i live here's my goal and what is it it's joy that i can minister to you so i can see your progress which we just talked about and joy in the faith i want to minister to you so that you have joy men your home should be characterized by joy the place your wife enjoys and the place where your children like to hang out you know some guys come to me and they say my wife always just seems to wanna not be at home.

Let me see, is that times when you're at home? Right? Maybe it's hard to be at home with you. You know, dads say, my kids are always running around with other friends and getting into trouble Well I wonder why Maybe there no joy at home right Man you need to set the tone of joy in your household You need to set the tone of joy where people want to be, where your children want to be.

I remember Pastor Good, one of the guys who really taught me so much, said the answer to peer pressure, you know what the answer to peer pressure is? your children want to be with you they want to be with you right how do you produce that now can i tell you something you realize that as i'm preaching this i am preaching to my children out there and my wife you know that right and i would hope that as i say these words they can think of things where this is true oh i pray that's the case i can tell you right now one way how do you produce joy here's one way deal with worry and anxiety the right way you know the times that were the times that were the most joyless in my home i'll tell you when they were and and i'm sure my family can confirm this was i would come home with the burden of ministry and I'd be thinking about something and I'd be worried about something. And someone was on my mind in my meeting with that person or this person is starting to stray. And I'm thinking about that.

And I've had some not pleasant conversations. And now I'm home and I'm just kind of, you know, when they say to me, Dad, are you OK? You're kind of quiet. That's when I know, OK, there's not a lot of joy going on. right handle your worry the way a hot man how do you handle your anger how do you handle your anger do you explode so that everyone scatters until the coast is clear or maybe you're the other end of the spectrum maybe you just don't talk maybe you won't talk to your wife for days or even longer because you're mad you just won't talk to her for days right does your family walk on eggshells until the crisis has passed, hoping that nothing's going to happen.

There's no joy when that's what's going on. Learn to deal with your anger. I remember coming home and my wife says to me, Becca says to me are you happy And of course you know the right answer to that right I say yeah I happy She says well are you happy in a glad sort of way or happy in a mad sort of way? Right? Right? Okay.

Hmm. I guess I don't look very happy at this moment. How do you handle your anger? Men, is there grace in your home that produces joy? Is there grace in your home? Do you have a home?

And listen, I've sat down with many parents. In 35 years of ministry, I've sat with many parents. And I've seen parents, dads, I've seen dads where performance determines their relationship with their children. If you're obedient, man, I've got all kinds of love and happiness for you. But if you're disobedient and you're struggling, I'm going to hold you at arm's length until you conform and then I'll love you okay that doesn't mean that and again I'm not saying there aren't times where you're rightfully angry and where you need to express that and where discipline has to happen but listen too many dads the only time they talk to their kids is when they're correcting them right is there grace in your home do you have fun with your children and those times where they're acting well and do you do you have fun with them do you do things with them do you make time for them you know i i know of parents who who's just like look this is right and this is wrong do what's right and when the kid fails that's all they talk about there's no grace there even in terms of listen son you failed and that's rebellion.

But you know what? Jesus died for rebels. Jesus died for the worst. And you know what? He died for sinners who disobey. There's grace in that, is there not?

And you need to obey because that's the way to joy. You need to find forgiveness with Jesus. Remember what James chapter 2, verses 12 and 13 says? Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment. Now, of course, before there's mercy, mercy must say there's forgiveness for you, right?

And then repentance follows. But too many people just want judgment. They don't want mercy, they just want judgment. And you can do that because of the radical nature of the grace of Christ. Now, are we without commands? Maybe some of you are hearing me say that.

Absolutely not. But why do we obey Jesus? why do we give our allegiance to this master willingly and with love in our hearts why do we do that grace is the fountain of obedience doesn't excuse disobedience it offers forgiveness and then gives us the motivation listen the apostle paul in galatians 2 20 the life i live in the body i live by faith in the son of god who loved me and gave himself for me there's grace in your home if your children and your wife see you giving yourself for them, sacrificing for them, being gracious and merciful with them. You see?

Here's another one. You want joy in your household? Humility. Humility. Man, how many of you have ever said to your wife, forgive me, I sinned against you when I said that. How many of you have gone to your children and said, son, you know what? or your daughter honey look I said some I was really angry and I said some things that are just not right and I want to ask your forgiveness What do you think?

Is that part of your vocabulary? Is repentance known in your home? Is repentance and forgiveness going on in your home, right? If you do that, there'll be joy in your home. when your children see that you don't think you're always right, that you will own up to your sin? Do you humble yourself? I know of men who refuse to humble themselves.

I've sat with them. I've talked to them. I knew one man who terrorized his family, Absolutely terrorized him with his guns. And I sat with him one day and I said, you have to humble yourself and go ask your family to forgive you. You need to sit down with your wife and children and say, I sinned against you grievously. And I confess that as sin before you and before God.

And by God's grace, I'm going to change. And he refused to do that. He absolutely refused to do that. Here's what he told me. if I do that, my family won't respect me. Now, I know what you'd be saying. You might say to them oh but they would They would respect you if you did that They might not They might not respect you But the point is God gives grace to the humble but opposes the proud And I said to him, if your family doesn't respect you, God will give you grace to handle it.

He'll give you the grace to handle that. But listen, if you don't humble yourself, you know who's going to be against you? God. You don't want him against you. humility will produce joy in your home. So, you want to be radical servants? You want to set radical goals?

You want to set a radical tone? Just three things to think about in this coming week. You see, something radical happened when Jesus appeared. Something so new, so radical, so dynamic, so decisive, that it should make a difference in you as fathers. Now, some of you may be here saying, I have failed. I failed and it's too late for me.

It's never too late for the grace of God for forgiveness. And you don't know what God can do in grace with your failures. You don't know what he can do with those. And you don't know, you know what, he's conforming you to be his child. even through your failures You don know what God can do There always grace There always forgiveness for our failures Some of you have never given yourself to the Lord Jesus You don't know what this is all about.

And I would say to you, humble yourself and come to this King Jesus and find in him freedom to be this kind of person. But you have to be freed yourself. you have to be freed from self and sin and then God will work listen guys you're disciples of Jesus that's your primary way of thinking I am a disciple of Jesus who is committed to following him and I'm going to follow him in my home and I'm going to obey what he says disciples of Jesus can and must live in radically different ways, even in our homes. Father, thank you again for your mercy to us in forgiving our failures.

We thank you for the power that you give us to live differently. Father, would you help us to live differently? Would you help us to think radically different than the world around us? help us we pray for your glory in Jesus name Amen